Hurting Feelings

I have many, many, many bugbears and pet hates. Ranging from one word text replies, to Nando’s, to people who claim to be ‘real’ yet use a number of excuses to avoid telling the truth because it will look detrimental on them, and over time I hope to moan about all of them, however for now we’ll settle with the latter hate.

If you’re someone who says they are honest and tell it how it is, then you should really make sure you’re that person, and not just someone who says it a lot, as the only person you’re convincing is yourself, pal.

I’ve known many people over the years that would rather lie about something than say the truth and either hurt someone’s feelings, or have someone look at them in a negative light. I always remember asking an ex of mine what was one of her biggest fears, and she surprisingly answered “not being liked”. I found it strange, as I’ve never cared what people thought of me, I truly haven’t, and it’s been reflected in big fallings out I’ve had, changes in friends, not talking to family etc. I’ve learned to not care as people will always have something negative to say about you, so don’t let it affect you (sometimes though I must admit it’s impossible to ignore). But yeah, to the point, I’ve never considered it from the other aspect, what if you DO care about what other people think of you, and just desperately want to be liked and accepted? I’m not saying it like it’s a bad thing at all, just that I’d not considered it before. It was interesting and got me thinking. Maybe she was utilizing rapper The Game’s rather endearing saying “Snitches get stitches”, yet more likely, she wasn’t. But I’ll never know for certain.

So from that I gathered when people told a lie about something, it’s invariably for self preservation, which I think is a natural trait and emotional response in most of us. But I think it can be broken down further to a case that you are doing it to avoid hurting someone’s feelings and maybe making them get upset/angry with you, because you’re the only one who has the balls to tell it straight, and you know what, I can fully understand this and sympathize with it, it’s quite a tough thing sometimes, and can lead to confrontations and at times requires a bit of tact, which I’ve been guilty of lacking on multiple occasions!  These kind of situations usually stem from the very typical “does my bum look big in this” question, not that itself of course, but along those lines, and you say what they want to hear as you know it will give them pleasure, self assuredness and confidence, and maybe that is what is required. Saying “no you’re a fat whale and everyone laughs at you behind your back” is probably not the answer she’s/he’s(IT HAPPENS) looking for, and some tact is invaluable in this situation.

On the flipside is when these ‘real’ people should be telling the truth, but don’t want to, and choose not to as it’s the easy way out. Or they know they will get stick or cause an argument because of it, and quite frankly don’t want anyone thinking any less of them. Ranging from the small things of telling a friend that it’s a bad idea to start seeing a bad egg, to “I think I saw your other half trying it on with someone”. The right thing to do is tell the truth, as no matter how bad it is, you’ve at least said what’s been needed (not EVERY situation is necessary for this, use judgment wisely) but sometimes it is needed.  However a lot of the time this is when your natural self preservation kicks in, and you simply avoid telling the truth, because in your mind you’re saying “ I didn’t want to hurt their feelings” yet in reality all you’re doing is not telling the truth to protect your own back, and a lot of the time this isn’t the right course of action, and in fact it’s just downright cowardly. People might not like what they hear, but if they are decent, they will at least respect you for it, and trust me someone who tells you the truth will live in your mind a lot longer than someone who just chats shit all the time

I’ve totally lost my trail of thought and realize that most of these situations boils down to sex (I don’t mean literally, but everything associated with it, other halfs, relationships, situations, etc). But it can be extended to anything, property, jobs, life decisions “I’m going to become a Vegan” “that’s fine, but if you do, you’re dead to me” should be the correct response in all situations.

To a lesser degree a current saying I find rather funny, and touched on over Twitter was when morons say “real talk”. Like saying this qualifies the statement so that you could not POSSIBLY be saying a word of a lie if you’ve said that “I can eat a whole wheel of Brie in 3 minutes….real talk”, so we should just accept it. No. What it tells me is that you’re a fucking moron, that feels the need to add in this stupid saying after saying something questionable because you yourself know full well, you’re chatting an element of bullshit. Also isnt it an American saying that we've stolen because it sounds cool, and rappers say it, and decide to use it because we're all American, oh wait, I forget, we're not. At all. Back to this particular point all it does is first make me double read what you said in the first place because what semi respectable at least semi educated person not from 'the hood' feels the need to say this, and further draw my attention to the steaming horse shit that is being ejected from your mouth every time you go to open it, no seriously, real talk.

I’m done rambling, and as always I’ve totally lost my trail of thought and what the beginning of this post was even about, but what I do know is if you decide to rate your qualities as “keeping It real” (do people still even say this?!) and “being honest”, then make sure you actually are, or are when you need to be, because it’s rather easy spotting someone who avoids the truth simply for self preservation as opposed to genuinely caring about someone else’s feelings. Don’t try and dress it up, because it’s as clear as daylight, sunshine (said in a cockney accent, probably whilst smoking a cigar).