K

Not done anything for a few weeks, didn't really think this blogging malarchy was for me, but thought fuck it and giving it another go.

Yes it's going to be a bit ranty, but I think I've got a valid point with this one, and it's something that's probably happened to all of us, it's a generation of uninspiring writers and lazy twatbags. The topic is, one word answers and replies! (Predominantly via text/not in person)

The topic title itself is the laziest fucking to type in the world anyway, you've shortened a TWO LETTER WORD into one!! K is short for OK. What the absolute flying fuck is going on in the world, who does this! Stop it. Just stop it, take a look at yourself in the mirror and ask is this acceptable. No. What makes it even more unacceptable is when you reply JUST SAYING 'K'! How is that a valid reply to anything, how do you reply to someone who says that, it's a convo killer in itself.

Personally I get really annoyed with one word replies, I find it lazy, and generally a bit insulting as well. It makes  it fucking tricky to reply and really just kills the vibe of things. Maybe they do it because they don't want to chat, which is fair enough, but generally I think they just do it as a reaction. Often it's 'lol' which isn't even a word! Obviously now I'm talking in text replies and whatnot as opposed to in person, but how the hell can you reply with 1 word, that isn't even a fucking word! God it riles me. No originality, thought or personality. Please at least put 'K lol' I'd prefer that!

Maybe this just happens to me, maybe everyone hate's replying to me, maybe I moan too much, but fuck it I wanted to get my point across. So if you tend to reply with a singular word, please for the love of god, consider expanding it by a word or two, make things a bit more exciting! It'll be alot more appreciated.

Anyway that'll do me today, it's too hot to be typing lots and lots. Enjoy the sun!

It's cool to be a rapper, right?

I need to start this with a bit of a rant, because it's really starting to annoy me, and I will go into it in much greater detail but for now just this. Not everyone can rap! It's not the natural alternative to being unemployed, a drug dealer, or simply wanting to be cool! You fucking dickheads.


Phew.


Sorry. That was a bit OTT and probably not needed, but I don't care, I wanted to say it. More and more these day's I'm followed on Twitter by 'up and coming rappers' or 'greatest MC's in the game' or some nonsense. I listen to some of their stuff and as I predicted, it's average at absolute best, if I was drunk, and considered Drake to be the greatest rapper since sliced bread (He's not. No, stop talking, he's just not)


The thing is, I kinda get why every man and his dog is now either a rapper, or wants to be a rapper, it's for 3 reasons (IMO!!).

1)      Hip-hop, rap, whatever you call it, has always been synonymous with ‘the struggle’. This is due to it’s history and the culture that gave birth to it. It defined a generation and is an important part of music and cultural history. However what this doesn’t mean is that every person who’s been brought up either under privileged, or have had a hard life, or whatever, can rap. I’m sorry, but just because you’ve been poor doesn’t automatically mean that you are able to talk about your struggles using something that is basically an art craft. Not everyone could rap in the 70’s, 80’s etc, and certainly the same is true now.

2)      Hip hop is cool, and furthermore if you’re successful you get the girls, the money, the cars, the booze, the fame. This has happened all over the years, and now with things like Instagram you have rappers like Rick Ross rubbing it in our poor peasant like faces. We all kind of want to be like him (but less rotund I would imagine). Though for some maybe it’s simply the idea of getting a fucking Nando’s Black Card that motivates you…

3)      Rap in the UK has really taken off in recent years with more and more artists. Whilst Wiley paved the way for Grime and provided a gateway for others to gain success, ignoring the real pioneers (I guess Slick Rick is the first real English rapper? I dunno) and even Roots Manuva, but focusing on the more commercially viable rappers such as Dizzee Rascal (after he switched over from Grime), Chipmunk (same as before), N-Dubz, Pro Green, Wretch 32, Tinie Tempah etc etc etc. This has really given everyone a motivation to be the next rapper to step upto the plate. It’s opened the doors and shown that it is possible for this little island of ours to be taken seriously by Hip Hop as a whole. Anyone remember when Pro Green battled Jin a long time ago, yeah, it didn’t go down too well from what I remember.

So far what I’ve said probably isn’t news to anyone. It’s kind of the blueprint to anything in a way (Identity, relevance, relate…  I made that up, but it sounds cool as a set of 3 rules, I might use it for things).

I think point 1 is the one I find most true currently. I don’t know everyone’s individual situations so it sounds VERY judgmental that I can sit here on my iron throne (that would be cool, it’s actually just a plastic/metal slidey chair thing) and say you can or can’t do this. Nothing gives me the right. But what I do have the right to do is say my opinion on matters. And my opinion is, that a lot of ‘rappers’ I’ve chosen to listen to ‘on the come up’ or whatever term is used these days, are shit. I’ve listened to a few things and they are still shit. Who am I to judge? Well, to a small degree I guess I know the genre of music I most listen to, and can distinguish from those with talent to those with not much more than a brain dead goat. It really annoys me because hip hop is an art form, it’s a true profession and those who are successful are often so because they work exceptionally hard at what they do, the craft can always be perfected, ALWAYS. But what is important about that, is they understood it was a craft, it wasn’t like one day they got fired from ASDA, were broke, and thought ‘fuck this I’m going to be a rapper, I can speak, I can rhyme, I like Drake, that’s it, I’m a rapper! *updates Twitter bio*’

It’s tragic but partially true, they’ve turned to being a rapper because nothing else is working out, they don’t want a 9-5 or to pursue education, they want girls, they want to be able to tell people they are a rapper in a really cool laid back tone. They are, dickheads. Ask some 18 year old who’s recently decided to be a rapper who his biggest influences are and aspirations and he’ll reel off Lil Wayne, Rick Ross, Drake. Ask him to think a bit further back, understanding the history, he MIGHT say Jay-Z, Em, Nas, any further back? And he’ll probably give you a blank look. Ask him about metaphors, similes, even about flow, and you’ll probably have him teary eyed and looking confused, ask him who Big Daddy Kane is and he’ll probably spontaneously combust.

It doesn’t matter where you’re from, but if you want to be successful in hip hop as a career, you GOT to know about fucking hip hop. You got to live it, you got to feel it, and breathe it. You can’t just say ‘YOLO’ and hope for the best, that doesn’t make you knowledgeable, that makes you a bellend.  Go on Youtube and watch interviews and things with successful rappers, and they all quote their influence and old song lyrics and all sorts. It’s a fucking culture to them, to you it’s an easy way of avoiding doing a normal job. It really annoys me. As much as Example has gone down in my estimations these last few years releasing the same monotonous dance/electronic hip hop fusion (it just sounds like one endless song) he knows his history, listening to De La Soul, Mos Def, Talib etc etc, and when he feels like it, he can actually rap (go and listen to his older stuff), he’s not where he is by accident.

What you have to also understand is some people have the talent and some don’t. It’s like X Factor, not everyone has the ability to sing, and the same goes to rap, sorry but it’s just not for everyone. Some guys don’t get how to setup a punchline, some simply cannot flow on a beat properly, some haven’t even heard about multi syllabic rhyming. My advice? If after reading this, and it actually kind of describes you, firstly sorry, secondly man up, thirdly study study study. If you’re still at the same level as before, give up. For the love of god, give up. It's not going to work for everyone, the key is understanding this and accepting it. Support your family, your children, yourself by getting a proper job. There's no shame in it, in fact I'd have insanely more respect for someone who worked for years maybe not achieving what he'd hoped, but at least he put food on his families table, than some wannabe rapper who didn't make it but never knew when to give up.

Some artists IN MY OPINION have given a lot to hip hop over the years, and had/have ability, and understood what they were part of, some have strength in other areas than others, some have punchlines for days (Jadakiss may get criticized but he knows how to setup a punch, Fab has delivered consistently for a decade, Lloyd Banks oooold stuff was insane(and a bit cheesy)), some, oh fuck it, just check the list, also if you’ve heard of less than half of the below, be disappointed in yourself.

Big Daddy Kane, Kool G Rap, Masta Ace, KRS One, Rakim, DMX, Nas, Jay-Z, Eminem, AZ, Styles P, Mos Def, Talib Kweli, Notorious BIG, Royce Da 5’9, Joe Budden, Ras Kass, Black Thought,  De La Soul, Wu Tang, Big Pun, Big L, Cam’ron, Kendrick Lamar, Yelawolf, Big K.R.I.T, Scarface, Ludacris, Chino XL

Independance, and the basics to survival

I want to start by simply thanking you for reading this! I appreciate it. I really do. It's a learning curve for me, having on started this on a whim the other day, it's going to develop and change with what inspires me to write, as the last few things have been what I've wanted to write about for a bit, as we go on I'll make it more upto date and relevant, and if you think it's shit that is absolutely fair enough and I apologise in advance for wasting your time! I'm going to try and make things more amusing as I go on, so please bear with me! 


I hear a lot, and it’s always from women, that they can’t ‘cope’ being on their own. They make it sound like they simply couldn’t function without a man, and if left on their own they would simply shrivel up and die. I think this is rather farfetched, over dramatic and complete nonsense. Yet I’m not surprised that women say it, but why? Why can’t you cope, what is the issue, apart from having another body mass, remove that aspect for a minute, and I’m sure you can actually tackle the basic elements needed to live alone. What is probably more alarming is that some guys have said similar things, or at least alluded to it since they have too much pride to simply admit it. Being unable to be on their own, scared to move away from home or obviously would be a total disaster away from home!
I knew a girl at uni who was, how shall we say, quite promiscuous, yet claimed that she wasn't actually just a horny cow, but in fact did it for the cuddles afterwards, as she wanted to feel looked after and protected and would readily admit she had no real independence on her own, which i felt was a bit tragic, so I helped her by passing on various bits of advice I'd accumulated in my time away from home, as let's be fair 1st year at uni can be quite daunting. However also something to note was I KNEW this girl, and she really was a horny cow too.




As I go on to write this, I've sort of put together 4 basic points of being able to survive on your own, or away from home (both are applicable). You might read this and think this is pretty obvious (it is, sorry) or a bit helpful, I'm just kind of listing it. In fact this might be shit quite frankly, and for that I do apologise!

1.       Cooking. Food, it’s rather important. And it’s bloody awesome. There’s not much better than good food in this world of ours, and I try to make sure I enjoy every meal as much as possible. Cooking is simple, it doesn’t need to be fancy or complicated, it can be the basics, learning to boil water, or steaming vegetables, or simply turning the oven on. In fact if anyone feels they cant cook pasta, then you've already disappointed me. It’s understanding these basics that allow you to make simple things ranging from Pizza’s and these new oven ready meals (which aren’t too terrible), to creating a roast dinner. With the internet so readily available, meals are a few clicks away, and I guarantee that as long as you get the ingredients you can make anything your little heart desires. Plus you can wear a cheeky chef's hat and/or one of those HILARIOUS aprons' that make's it look like you're naked, you know, if you're a twat.

2.       Cleaning. This is boring, but so very easy. It doesn’t require much, the basics, such as hovering I find are actually quite relaxing (except when I set my Hoover on fire because I never emptied it, like a moron), and takes about 10 mins. Washing up is a bit tedious but it’s super fast to do, there’s no excuse not to (unless you have a dishwasher, in which case, WHY is this even an issue you lazy cretin). Maybe a cheeky mop here and there (nah, me neither), and a swift dusting if the Hoover cant do the work (I use mine to get crumbs off the kitchen counter, window sills, blinds, the lot, HOOVER EVERYTHING)

3.       Washing. Aside from washing up. Clothes washing is quite essential, you know, to not be a tramp. It’s so easy, you put the stuff in the machine, whack some powder in the thingy, and a bit of the old fabric (I’m such a modern man) in and you’re done. I always do the same spin cycle thingy and it seems to be fine. Then hang it up. Job done. Do it to towels, dressing gowns (oh I’m suave), and bed sheets. Bang. It’s a no brainer.

4.       Paying bills. Meh, we all have to do it, we all moan about it, and we all claim we’re totally broke after (we’re not, we just say it for a bit of pity, and to get out of nights out we don’t fancy. We all know it). That’s a pet hate of mine actually, people saying how broke they are when it’s utterly not true. You’re only broke because you just bought something nice, or booked a holiday, or save a load of money you don’t want to touch. No one is truly “broke” who works a full time job, and if your general bills (gas, water, rent, council tax etc) cost more than you make, you need a new job ASAP. Or go back and live at home. Simple. We’re not broke; we just don’t fancy doing certain things, so it seems that this is the typical default response.  We need to be a bit more original in these things, as when someone says that it just annoys me. One of my old friends the other day was telling me all about how he had to pay 2k for some gardeners (he didn’t HAVE to, he chose to) after just basically buying a house and having it done up VERY fancily (under floor heating etc), and so I suggested a night out – his FIRST response was “not got much money” and when I suggested we watch a friend play football, he actually declined because he couldn’t afford the £8 ticket. Fine, tell me that without telling me all the fancy things you’ve been paying for beforehand. I found it quite offensive and frankly can’t be bothered with him anymore.

So I deviate from my point. Bills are simple, just setup Direct Debit’s for a day or two after you get paid, and it’s all done and then you’re left with money you know you actually have left and can budget accordingly. We can’t all do what we want financially, but we can do a little budgeting here and there. You can’t afford that nice dress you wanted, well don’t go out for 2-3 weeks and get it, compromise, and don’t say you can’t because it’s BS. Guys, same thing, just don’t go out for a bit and try to impress women with champers and whatnot if you want to get a new car or something. Life is about compromises, it’s no different for you than it is for me.

So there you have it, my interpretation of the 4 important things needed to survive on your own and give you some responsibility and independence. It really is quite that simple. Anyone can do it. Hell if I’ve survived for basically 5 years in total on my own, anyone can (my old housemate once put a cooking saucepan in the microwave to make mash potato. He set it on fire. DON’T DO THIS). I might find it easy since I’ve done it, and am good with money, but that doesn’t mean you can’t, uni taught me a lot of things and my life has generally given me a good sense of independence but that doesn’t make me more qualified, just gave me more of a taste for it. So yeah, you don’t need an other half to do things you want to, and I’ve totally forgot what my point was before this particular rant/advice. But yeah, do it. Whatever it is.

Hurting Feelings

I have many, many, many bugbears and pet hates. Ranging from one word text replies, to Nando’s, to people who claim to be ‘real’ yet use a number of excuses to avoid telling the truth because it will look detrimental on them, and over time I hope to moan about all of them, however for now we’ll settle with the latter hate.

If you’re someone who says they are honest and tell it how it is, then you should really make sure you’re that person, and not just someone who says it a lot, as the only person you’re convincing is yourself, pal.

I’ve known many people over the years that would rather lie about something than say the truth and either hurt someone’s feelings, or have someone look at them in a negative light. I always remember asking an ex of mine what was one of her biggest fears, and she surprisingly answered “not being liked”. I found it strange, as I’ve never cared what people thought of me, I truly haven’t, and it’s been reflected in big fallings out I’ve had, changes in friends, not talking to family etc. I’ve learned to not care as people will always have something negative to say about you, so don’t let it affect you (sometimes though I must admit it’s impossible to ignore). But yeah, to the point, I’ve never considered it from the other aspect, what if you DO care about what other people think of you, and just desperately want to be liked and accepted? I’m not saying it like it’s a bad thing at all, just that I’d not considered it before. It was interesting and got me thinking. Maybe she was utilizing rapper The Game’s rather endearing saying “Snitches get stitches”, yet more likely, she wasn’t. But I’ll never know for certain.

So from that I gathered when people told a lie about something, it’s invariably for self preservation, which I think is a natural trait and emotional response in most of us. But I think it can be broken down further to a case that you are doing it to avoid hurting someone’s feelings and maybe making them get upset/angry with you, because you’re the only one who has the balls to tell it straight, and you know what, I can fully understand this and sympathize with it, it’s quite a tough thing sometimes, and can lead to confrontations and at times requires a bit of tact, which I’ve been guilty of lacking on multiple occasions!  These kind of situations usually stem from the very typical “does my bum look big in this” question, not that itself of course, but along those lines, and you say what they want to hear as you know it will give them pleasure, self assuredness and confidence, and maybe that is what is required. Saying “no you’re a fat whale and everyone laughs at you behind your back” is probably not the answer she’s/he’s(IT HAPPENS) looking for, and some tact is invaluable in this situation.

On the flipside is when these ‘real’ people should be telling the truth, but don’t want to, and choose not to as it’s the easy way out. Or they know they will get stick or cause an argument because of it, and quite frankly don’t want anyone thinking any less of them. Ranging from the small things of telling a friend that it’s a bad idea to start seeing a bad egg, to “I think I saw your other half trying it on with someone”. The right thing to do is tell the truth, as no matter how bad it is, you’ve at least said what’s been needed (not EVERY situation is necessary for this, use judgment wisely) but sometimes it is needed.  However a lot of the time this is when your natural self preservation kicks in, and you simply avoid telling the truth, because in your mind you’re saying “ I didn’t want to hurt their feelings” yet in reality all you’re doing is not telling the truth to protect your own back, and a lot of the time this isn’t the right course of action, and in fact it’s just downright cowardly. People might not like what they hear, but if they are decent, they will at least respect you for it, and trust me someone who tells you the truth will live in your mind a lot longer than someone who just chats shit all the time

I’ve totally lost my trail of thought and realize that most of these situations boils down to sex (I don’t mean literally, but everything associated with it, other halfs, relationships, situations, etc). But it can be extended to anything, property, jobs, life decisions “I’m going to become a Vegan” “that’s fine, but if you do, you’re dead to me” should be the correct response in all situations.

To a lesser degree a current saying I find rather funny, and touched on over Twitter was when morons say “real talk”. Like saying this qualifies the statement so that you could not POSSIBLY be saying a word of a lie if you’ve said that “I can eat a whole wheel of Brie in 3 minutes….real talk”, so we should just accept it. No. What it tells me is that you’re a fucking moron, that feels the need to add in this stupid saying after saying something questionable because you yourself know full well, you’re chatting an element of bullshit. Also isnt it an American saying that we've stolen because it sounds cool, and rappers say it, and decide to use it because we're all American, oh wait, I forget, we're not. At all. Back to this particular point all it does is first make me double read what you said in the first place because what semi respectable at least semi educated person not from 'the hood' feels the need to say this, and further draw my attention to the steaming horse shit that is being ejected from your mouth every time you go to open it, no seriously, real talk.

I’m done rambling, and as always I’ve totally lost my trail of thought and what the beginning of this post was even about, but what I do know is if you decide to rate your qualities as “keeping It real” (do people still even say this?!) and “being honest”, then make sure you actually are, or are when you need to be, because it’s rather easy spotting someone who avoids the truth simply for self preservation as opposed to genuinely caring about someone else’s feelings. Don’t try and dress it up, because it’s as clear as daylight, sunshine (said in a cockney accent, probably whilst smoking a cigar).

F*CKING NANDO’S

So for my first post, I thought I’d write about something I could actually ramble on about, and what popped into my little mind, Nando’s! 

Ah you think, that wonderful place you’ve loved to eat at over the last couple of years because it’s magical, and I’m writing to sing it’s praises, right? Wrong. 

I’m going to begin and end this piece with the same bit of information, IT’S JUST F*CKING CHICKEN AND CHIPS!!!!

To elaborate on this, it’s quite expensive and fairly malnourished looking Chicken and average chips. So why the hell is it so popular? Because, and this is a sad fact that could be accepted if you were all impressionable young teens, but most of you aren’t and you might not like to agree, but it’s because your favourite pop stars eat there! Ever since Example and Ed Sheeran did the Nando’s Skank, or JLS took multiple snaps there, or Pro Green and Rizzlekicks tweeted about it, you’ve all suddenly thought it’s the best thing since sliced bread, so to speak.

Yet you all swear it’s amazing and that you werent influenced by the above, why bother? Nando’s was a tiny little chain a few years back, I’ve eaten there ONCE, about 9 years ago, in New Zealand, it was alright, quite exciting for the first time, but that was it, the Chicken was average, and I never went back. So why do you? I don’t understand, you can get a good meal in a semi decent restaurant for the same price or less, specially with the amount of 2 for 1 offers available. 

What I think amuses me a bit as well, is that what was a ‘cool’ place to eat, that developed into a fad, has now become so commonplace, surely it’s reneged on it’s ‘cool’ status. 

You might insist you were in the minority that stumbled upon this place without knowing of the celebs who like to eat there, in which case, what drives you to keep going? What is so tasty about it?! You can buy the sauce in shops relatively cheaply and marinade your own chicken for about half the price, or you can even make it from scratch if you’ve got the drive. But please stop fucking tweeting about every time you go there, and taking photo’s of what must be the most tweeted about food establishment in the UK. It’s tedious, it’s TOTALLY unoriginal now, and frankly it lacks a food imagination. I saw a queue outside the Brighton Nando’s on Saturday, and I genuinely pitied all the teens to young adults who were queuing up, do you really not have the imagination to go anywhere else?! Seriously? And that is the key demographic who go there, once more linking to this ‘cool’ fad thanks to the celebs.

So yeah, I guess the majority of my rant is over, and I get a feeling most of my blogs will be a rant of some sort, so I suggest you stop reading now, and you get my point hopefully. Try something else once in a while, it’s sad to see that people ditch the McDonalds and KFC’s (which is a good thing, I never eat that fast food madness) but only to replace it with a slightly fancier chicken shop (Think all those filthy KFC knock off’s you go to after a night clubbing) and that’s all it is. It’s not classy, it’s not a restaurant in the traditional sense, it’s totally middle of the road food and lately it’s just a bit boring! Spread your wings, try out new places, google local places and really dazzle your mates, like just recently I visited a BBQ Shack in Brighton, and my god the food there is INCREDIBLE. It’s already won my little heart over.

And so that is my first post, and could even well be my last! But yes, so remember kids, since only kids seem to go there, IT’S JUST F*CKING CHICKEN AND CHIPS!!!!