We're such good friends...

Ah, I dunno how I've not even thought about this let alone blogged about one of the topics that I have certain thoughts and feelings of, have been involved with, pissed off with and ended.


Can boys and girls be friends?


Yes is the answer. Simply because the REAL question is


Can boys and girls be close friends?


Then it gets tougher to answer with multiple variables being the cause for a small debate. In fact why don't we turn it up one notch further


Can boys and girls be close friends when one of them has an other half?


Once more, it's yes and no, mostly no, but I have a couple of exceptions I shall list below.


- If you've been friends with someone of the opposite sex since you were kids, long before 'feelings' and such like existed in your brain.
- If they are family friends that you've been on holiday with and suchlike. It would just be weird. Probably
- If they are homosexual
- If they are happily in a relationship and it's literally work that's forced you to be friends. And even then you wouldn't get close, or you shouldn't, and if you do, you're a bit of a dick.
- If the other person REALLY doesn't fancy you at all, and has made it clear, maybe even been in a long term relationship, and so it's years before there's even a chance it could happen, so by then it's all sort of died down.
- If you've already been involved together. Sometimes exes can be friends as they know you well, with the caveat being you've both 100% moved on, with preferably you both being in happy relationships.


Those are MY rules and thoughts on it anyway, for the clauses that allow you to be close friends with members of the opposite sex. Many of you may not agree, or care. There are probably a couple other clauses I've not included through my awful memory.


I get VERY sceptical when girls seem to have an absolute tonne of guy friends. Often I have to bite my lip on the matter because racing through my brain are some initial thoughts


- YOU list them as a friend. They list you as an acquaintance. This is because you like to think you have more friends than you do. Being Facebook friends does not count. (This works both ways obviously!)


- Having met someone once, and then being Twitter or FB friends, then constantly referring to them as your friend. You are not friends, you know one another and that's about it.

- You play innocent (or genuinely are innocent!) and call them a friend. They just want to shag you, so call you a friend in the meantime.


- You call them a friend because you have no romantic interest in them. They call you a friend because you won't sleep with them, so it's the best of a bad situation. (How many times do people say "I'd rather be your friend than nothing at all" after a rejection or whatever... then give it a few months and they are back to fancying you)


That last point, to summarise basically said "You Friendzoned the SHIT out of them". I don't agree with being put in the Friendzone, since surely I should have to agree?! Surely both parties should mutually agree to this? What gives the female the right to do it? What gives her the right to ASSUME you need to be told you're just friends? It's patronising as fuck, and pretty insulting. Yeah just because I talk to you I must want to shag you. Sorry, I prefer a little more chemistry than you simply replying to me. I know the truth probably hurts, and it's a little ego denting, but jog on. Often when I've been 'Friendzoned' in the past by someone I've really not given a crap about, I simply don't speak to them again and delete them out my life. Simple. I bet they still refer to me as a friend though....
People will say they put someone in the Friendzone so they don't hurt the other person's feelings as they don't fancy them and feel it's a gentle letdown. It's not that, it's so you don't feel bad about being honest. So you say something to make yourself feel better, whilst still giving them a glimmer of hope, it's worse than just being honest! I know you'll often look at someone as a friend if you don't fancy them from looks, but it's usually just that when you don't even truly know the personality, which in turns just makes you look a bit shallow, specially when you probably list things you find attractive "gotte make me laugh" and suchlike.


It works with guys though. I find most of them utterly predictable, and can see through the facade's of their actions so easily. Mostly because I've been there and done it myself. I know every trick in the book, I know how easy it is to start and then to finish. It drives me mad when Girls (who I swear cannot be this dopey and must just turn a blind eye) act when some guy 'innocently' starts talking with them. 99% of the time it's not innocent, I'm sorry but it's not.


I know it's not because if you think about it, after about the age of 12-13 or whenever puberty hits, male and female then develop the attraction for the opposite sex (in most cases), therefore befriending someone is basically a very first step to ultimately mating with them. In a very raw, direct, sense. In it's most primal form that is what it is. Men look for women because naturally we are designed to spread our seed (not literally, but more to sew a seed) whilst women are instinctive to find a man who is suitable to look after her and give her children. 
Based on this, when adults, to be friends there is often some kind of mutual or at least one sided attraction. It's a pure fact, why would you become friends with someone when there are no mutual interests which in turn is a VERY minor attraction in itself? It rarely happens. There will be mutual interests or a mutual situation and friendship can blossom from that, except deep down it's more than that, it's an attraction, the basic low level form of friendship.

So that's when it annoys me when females specifically do that whole "oh we're just friends" thing, when surely they know the guy likes them and has just found some common ground to appeal to her more. Is she playing dumb? Is she simply ignoring what she knows hoping it goes away (it never goes away, attraction turns to like, like turns to lust. And that's where it stops. You wont EVER truly LOVE someone who feels no attraction back. Sorry.)


Of course basing on my 3 initial questions, you can easily be friends or mutual acquaintances through friends, you know, say hi when you see one another and prob FB friends. But you won't be close and that's that.


I guess one point I'm trying to make is for those of us who are looking for 'an other half' so to speak, perhaps we should be more sensible in who we befriend, because once that happens the next step is naturally flirting (so by now both parties should understand there is something more to things here), and then so on. It doesn't look good and I've been guilty of this myself. I've become increasingly aware of my actions from being single and "befriending" girls, when it probably makes me look a right slaggy twat. Though that was not my intention I 100% understand it, and I don't want to annoy or upset anyone who actually might like me, because hell, I need to grip onto those very few who do with everything I've got! But also likewise, think about it sometimes as it does create an impression and people do notice, and it's not always a good thing. Next time that guy innocently asks your advice on something, and you don't know him from Adam, trust me he's subconsciously got a plan in the works about how to get closer to you. It'll happen eventually and is it really what you want?


So in summary, IN MY OPINION, question 1 is Yes. Course you can be pals and have a laugh. Question 2 is rarely, it's hard to get that balance without one of you liking the other alot more, unless my clauses come into effect. Question 3 is probably not, the other half won't be pleased and I agree with that, why would you want to suddenly befriend new boys/girls when you've got someone you're with at home? It makes no sense.


Ask yourself this, and then you'll probably get an answer. You'd go out for dinner and drinks, or the cinema with a friend of the same sex (to the pub and a kebab for the lads), fine. Would you do the same with someone of the opposite sex? How would your other half react to that? Not well I imagine. Well, that's the kind of things what FRIENDS do... So if you're doubtful about either doing it, or how your other half will react, then you'll find your answer.


Hope this was alright to read.


Dan