We're such good friends...

Ah, I dunno how I've not even thought about this let alone blogged about one of the topics that I have certain thoughts and feelings of, have been involved with, pissed off with and ended.


Can boys and girls be friends?


Yes is the answer. Simply because the REAL question is


Can boys and girls be close friends?


Then it gets tougher to answer with multiple variables being the cause for a small debate. In fact why don't we turn it up one notch further


Can boys and girls be close friends when one of them has an other half?


Once more, it's yes and no, mostly no, but I have a couple of exceptions I shall list below.


- If you've been friends with someone of the opposite sex since you were kids, long before 'feelings' and such like existed in your brain.
- If they are family friends that you've been on holiday with and suchlike. It would just be weird. Probably
- If they are homosexual
- If they are happily in a relationship and it's literally work that's forced you to be friends. And even then you wouldn't get close, or you shouldn't, and if you do, you're a bit of a dick.
- If the other person REALLY doesn't fancy you at all, and has made it clear, maybe even been in a long term relationship, and so it's years before there's even a chance it could happen, so by then it's all sort of died down.
- If you've already been involved together. Sometimes exes can be friends as they know you well, with the caveat being you've both 100% moved on, with preferably you both being in happy relationships.


Those are MY rules and thoughts on it anyway, for the clauses that allow you to be close friends with members of the opposite sex. Many of you may not agree, or care. There are probably a couple other clauses I've not included through my awful memory.


I get VERY sceptical when girls seem to have an absolute tonne of guy friends. Often I have to bite my lip on the matter because racing through my brain are some initial thoughts


- YOU list them as a friend. They list you as an acquaintance. This is because you like to think you have more friends than you do. Being Facebook friends does not count. (This works both ways obviously!)


- Having met someone once, and then being Twitter or FB friends, then constantly referring to them as your friend. You are not friends, you know one another and that's about it.

- You play innocent (or genuinely are innocent!) and call them a friend. They just want to shag you, so call you a friend in the meantime.


- You call them a friend because you have no romantic interest in them. They call you a friend because you won't sleep with them, so it's the best of a bad situation. (How many times do people say "I'd rather be your friend than nothing at all" after a rejection or whatever... then give it a few months and they are back to fancying you)


That last point, to summarise basically said "You Friendzoned the SHIT out of them". I don't agree with being put in the Friendzone, since surely I should have to agree?! Surely both parties should mutually agree to this? What gives the female the right to do it? What gives her the right to ASSUME you need to be told you're just friends? It's patronising as fuck, and pretty insulting. Yeah just because I talk to you I must want to shag you. Sorry, I prefer a little more chemistry than you simply replying to me. I know the truth probably hurts, and it's a little ego denting, but jog on. Often when I've been 'Friendzoned' in the past by someone I've really not given a crap about, I simply don't speak to them again and delete them out my life. Simple. I bet they still refer to me as a friend though....
People will say they put someone in the Friendzone so they don't hurt the other person's feelings as they don't fancy them and feel it's a gentle letdown. It's not that, it's so you don't feel bad about being honest. So you say something to make yourself feel better, whilst still giving them a glimmer of hope, it's worse than just being honest! I know you'll often look at someone as a friend if you don't fancy them from looks, but it's usually just that when you don't even truly know the personality, which in turns just makes you look a bit shallow, specially when you probably list things you find attractive "gotte make me laugh" and suchlike.


It works with guys though. I find most of them utterly predictable, and can see through the facade's of their actions so easily. Mostly because I've been there and done it myself. I know every trick in the book, I know how easy it is to start and then to finish. It drives me mad when Girls (who I swear cannot be this dopey and must just turn a blind eye) act when some guy 'innocently' starts talking with them. 99% of the time it's not innocent, I'm sorry but it's not.


I know it's not because if you think about it, after about the age of 12-13 or whenever puberty hits, male and female then develop the attraction for the opposite sex (in most cases), therefore befriending someone is basically a very first step to ultimately mating with them. In a very raw, direct, sense. In it's most primal form that is what it is. Men look for women because naturally we are designed to spread our seed (not literally, but more to sew a seed) whilst women are instinctive to find a man who is suitable to look after her and give her children. 
Based on this, when adults, to be friends there is often some kind of mutual or at least one sided attraction. It's a pure fact, why would you become friends with someone when there are no mutual interests which in turn is a VERY minor attraction in itself? It rarely happens. There will be mutual interests or a mutual situation and friendship can blossom from that, except deep down it's more than that, it's an attraction, the basic low level form of friendship.

So that's when it annoys me when females specifically do that whole "oh we're just friends" thing, when surely they know the guy likes them and has just found some common ground to appeal to her more. Is she playing dumb? Is she simply ignoring what she knows hoping it goes away (it never goes away, attraction turns to like, like turns to lust. And that's where it stops. You wont EVER truly LOVE someone who feels no attraction back. Sorry.)


Of course basing on my 3 initial questions, you can easily be friends or mutual acquaintances through friends, you know, say hi when you see one another and prob FB friends. But you won't be close and that's that.


I guess one point I'm trying to make is for those of us who are looking for 'an other half' so to speak, perhaps we should be more sensible in who we befriend, because once that happens the next step is naturally flirting (so by now both parties should understand there is something more to things here), and then so on. It doesn't look good and I've been guilty of this myself. I've become increasingly aware of my actions from being single and "befriending" girls, when it probably makes me look a right slaggy twat. Though that was not my intention I 100% understand it, and I don't want to annoy or upset anyone who actually might like me, because hell, I need to grip onto those very few who do with everything I've got! But also likewise, think about it sometimes as it does create an impression and people do notice, and it's not always a good thing. Next time that guy innocently asks your advice on something, and you don't know him from Adam, trust me he's subconsciously got a plan in the works about how to get closer to you. It'll happen eventually and is it really what you want?


So in summary, IN MY OPINION, question 1 is Yes. Course you can be pals and have a laugh. Question 2 is rarely, it's hard to get that balance without one of you liking the other alot more, unless my clauses come into effect. Question 3 is probably not, the other half won't be pleased and I agree with that, why would you want to suddenly befriend new boys/girls when you've got someone you're with at home? It makes no sense.


Ask yourself this, and then you'll probably get an answer. You'd go out for dinner and drinks, or the cinema with a friend of the same sex (to the pub and a kebab for the lads), fine. Would you do the same with someone of the opposite sex? How would your other half react to that? Not well I imagine. Well, that's the kind of things what FRIENDS do... So if you're doubtful about either doing it, or how your other half will react, then you'll find your answer.


Hope this was alright to read.


Dan

When I grow up I want to be...

Weird isn't it when we're kids our parents always ask what we want to be when we grow up. Traditionally it's guys saying Cowboys/Astronaughts and girls saying Princesses/Ballarina's. It was all so simple back then. There were a few though that actually were pretty sharp from a young age (or had VERY pushy parents) and knew what they wanted to be, or had a good idea, and they end up doing what they've been looking forward to their whole lives and it works out perfectly.


Me, not so much.


Don't get me wrong, first and foremost I really don't mind my job, on some days I actually like it when it engages my brain. I'm also eternally grateful I'm employed and have been for a long time, I feel secure in my profession and am quite content. However it's nothing what I thought I'd be doing, from childhood through college and even during my stint at Uni (never finished, for a multitude of reasons). It sort of landed in my lap through a frantic flurry of job applying and 7 years later and I'm still there!
The problem is the security has made me lazy. Frankly I should be doing better than what I am, I've sort of drifted through the last couple of years there as when I joined I was fresh faced and eager to work, I did well and got a few 'promotions' of sorts pretty quickly, and was on the right track to go up the corporate ladder. However a couple of poor decisions have led me to really get stuck in my current role, finding it increasingly difficult to get where I really want to go - whilst it didn't help that I didn't even know where I wanted to go for a good year or so, slowing up the whole process. It's a bit frustrating, but it's my own fault so it's a gripe I shall live with and so far in 2012 have been working hard to get out of. After a long slump I'm really pushing myself to hit the heights I've set myself. I need to be optimistic because otherwise, what's the point?


Anyway I digress, my point wasnt to give you a silly insight into my working life, it was more of a sort of tale about how we often end up doing something we'd never have dreamed about previously. I decided from a relatively young age, that whilst I was pretty shit at most subjects in school, I quite enjoyed writing stories, and writing in general.


Quick thing here that I believe in. I think all people have two kinds of intelligence, which I call 'book smart' and 'street smart'. Basically it's quite simple, 'street smart' is more like common sense, how sharp you are, intelligent wit and so on, whilst 'book smart' is like school subjects and how good at tests and stuff you are, basically information retention.
Now me for example, I'm AWFUL at exams, I did shit in school, and I majorly regret not taking a greater interest in things when I was there, I would quite easily say I have no 'book smarts'. However I do believe I possess a bit of general intelligence and common sense, I'm quite sharp, and think I have 'street smart' to a fair degree.


So yeah anyway, as writing doesn't really require 'book smarts' it was actually something I was semi decent at, and enjoyed so decided originally I'd like to be a journalist. I've no idea what actually made me want to be that, I liked the idea of sports journalism. Basically get paid to go watch football then talk endlessly about it. However I realised that after a while it was merely a pipe dream for me. It's a really tough grind as strangely, a load of people find it also an amazing job, so the competition is plenty and it's really quite tricky to stand out. So me being a lazy fuck, packed that idea up.


I really can't remember what the point of this was (this keeps happening when I write these, I'm so sorry for babbling on with this nonsense).


I think lately I've been thinking about getting into writing a bit more. I obviously do some ranting and chatting bollocks on here, and in the past have written some music reviews (including BBC 1Xtra, go me). But I want to get into something, I dunno, a bit meatier. So here's the crux, what I think I MIGHT do, going forwards, is  I've had some idea's about writing a TV Script. I know it's merely a pipe dream and nothing will probably come of it as I lack ALL motivation currently (for a multitude of reasons) but it's something I think I might like to try. Last year I got an idea in my head for a small scale TV Show and worked out the basic premise. It's aimed to be a comedy of sorts, and I think I'll write something in a blog about it if anyone is interested, as basically I think I want to use the readers of this blog as a test audience. Running a few minor script idea's or text in a blog post to see if anyone believes it might have legs, or if it's just utter shite!


Yeah so that's it really, I've managed to babble on for ages, hopefully the first part resonates with you a bit, and hopefully you all do something you at least partially enjoy or still are going for what you aspire to do working wise in the long run! And also if you've any interest in what I want I want to write and create (in an ideal world anyway) then I'll post something up soon with a premise and some exerts or whatever.


Thanks for reading, and if it's just me typing to myself at this point whilst you've all nodded off, I both understand and still find this quite therapeutic in writing it! :)


Dan

Is Geordie Shore reality? Does it have a 'darkside'?

Well I've been sort of goaded into doing this by my work pal (I see you @Zoggers87) and whilst I'm not going to do is strictly as he asked, it did make me start thinking a bit.

First off, yes I watch Geordie Shore, and yes I actually find it utterly amusing, interesting, and at times bewildering. I find it harmless TV really for the most part, with some interesting undertones. Obviously it's a take on the highly successful US Jersey Shore, which I watched up until they left Italy then stopped as I began to find the same cycle of events repetitive and at times slightly uncomfortable.

Geordie Shore is not like other reality programs like Made in Chelsea, or TOWIE, it's not setup scenarios with scripted dialogue. Not to say some parts of GS arent dramatized to become more entertaining with the odd bit of script, but it's far more realistic due to the fact that the characters are more off the rails than normal. They dont need to be prompted to argue, becasue they bloody love doing it anyway. It is simply following the people doing exactly what they love doing.

However, I spoke earlier about deeper undertones that I've realised, and I think it begins in the way you could summarise this show to your mates - 'It's about a load of Geordies that go out every night, drinking, pulling and looking for a shag, then live by the GTL rules in Jersey Shore', basically it wouldnt be far off that. Throw in a few 'musts' for success, an on/off couple within the group, a general relentless persuit of sex, arguments, fights and amusement, and you've got yourself a winning formula.

So with that formula, it's quite obvious the show would be a success but also the 'stars' of it would get quite the fanbase from the opposite sex. Gaz for example is LOVED on twitter and every girl seems to want to shag him, as he seems to be on some relentless journey to shag a million girls by the time he's 30, or something. He is in fact by best example by a point I want to make, his WHOLE LIFE, is basically, gym and shagging. Nothing else, he has zero personality because those two things are all he knows (and the same can loosely be extended to the other guys as well). What would then happen if you removed these things from his life? What would happen then? I honestly don't think he'd find any point going on living. Something that you can take away from this, is you're all deeper and have far more too you than these people, so take it as a plus (even if we don't all live the fun life they seem to). What happens to them when they turn 35 and looks fade, gym bodies droop, and the public celeb status has long disappeared? Not in a good place I assure you.

It's not just him though, he's just the best example, but all the guys pretty much are similar. They all live by the same moral compass, pretty much, and have very similar traits, as do a couple of the girls (minus gym). It makes for entertaining viewing in the relentless persuit of the opposite sex, but in the same way it kind of makes me feel sorry for them. Truly. That is ALL they do, but they don't know any other way of life, it's really bizarre. I know everyone enjoys sex, of course, that isnt my point, but I'm fairly sure some of you are not nearly as bad as these people, ALWAYS trying it on constantly anytime you leave your house, to be honest people like that I actually feel sorry for, specially the older you get and it's still the only thing you're 'good at'.
So if we were to remove 'going on the pull' and shagging randoms from these people's lives, what are we left with? Literally just a hub of flesh. Nothing, no personality (Vicky, Sophie and maybe to an  extent James aside), they would be INCREDIBLY boring to watch and really come across worse than anyone you've ever known.

In a way they really personify Las Vegas for me (PLEASE bear with me on this). It's an amazing city, a place everyone should visit at least once, incredible, mental, hedonistic, ridiculous, all these things apply. But, and it's a very big but, you take away The Strip (where EVERYTHING is located), and look 1 or 2 streets back, or 2 mins away, and you see a totally different side to Las Vegas. You seem 'the darkside', the poor, desolate, dangerous (to a degree), gritty, grimy side that the face of Vegas doesnt want you to see. Las Vegas is a city wracked in debt, think how much it must cost to run those hotels all year round, what if you have a quiet season? You're fucked. And incredibly, ALL the money is spent on the strip, but not on the surrounding area, so you take away the strip from Vegas and you're just left with this horrible dirty little town that is no different to a million other places around the world, with literally NO appeal. The characters on GS are the same, remove the shiny surface that they present to you and you're left with nothing, a faceless piece of flesh no different to a million others. It's tragic in a way, yet we all love it and ignore 'the darkside'

I know that was a tangent but I hope I got my point across. I just find it actually really interesting, but rest assured I shall never let this stop me watching the madness of Geordie Shore, and I'm certain it won't you, but try to see past the shiny exterior once in a while to take a look, see if you can find your own 'darkside' in things you'd never think to before. It's everywhere, but too often we let ourselves be directed where to look, what to enjoy, so break away a bit and check under the covers, behind the mask and see a bit of dirt for once.