Couple of things before I write this I feel I should say, firstly this isn't intended to get any pity or any attention or anything like that, in fact I'm writing it just in case there is anyone else out there who's been through the same thing, and is maybe a bit younger and still in the angry stage - maybe reading this will help them a bit, I dunno, something like that. Secondly I can look at things differently now, and there's positives to be taken from it.
So yeah, sorry about that, but happy Fathers Day! I hope you've remembered, if not, this is your reminder, go do something cool for your dad's, hand made cards are a cheap winner, go for a fry up with him, or take him for a pint - it's the little things that he'll appreciate the most. We're men, we don't need grand gestures or expensive gifts. In fact I reckon most would bloody love to just go down the pub for an hour with their son/daughter today - maybe I'm well off the mark, but give it a try!
I don't celebrate Fathers Day, he's still with us, but he lives in New York, always has done. Well, he lived in South London, met Mum, got her pregnant then fled to NYC and never came back. Pretty much the most cowardly thing ever, he said it was for 'work opportunities' but my Mum knew. I didnt meet him until I was about 5, and to me then he was like the best thing ever, winning me over with some toys and stuff, and suddenly I had a Dad in my life, it was great. His mum lives in Shoreham which is very close to Brighton where I live (seeing her today as a matter of fact, incredible woman, she's about 90 but is as sharp as a fucking tac, I'll really miss her when she goes, that one will knock me a bit), so when we moved down here it became easier for him to kill two birds with one stone so to speak. I'd see him maybe every 3-4 years from when I was about 5 - 16 I'd say, and always just for a few hours then he had to go.
I look back and just think he didnt really know how to deal with it, see his son, give me some presents, have a chat about trivial things, then that was it, he didnt have anything else to give, so off he went.
He run's nightclubs in NYC, or well he did, big ones like The Roxy too, he's more of an Events Guru now for various clubs, so imagine that when I was younger, was the coolest job ever (to me)! I've been lucky enough to go to NYC a few times to visit over the years, and it was amazing, such a brilliantly amazing city combined with chilling in a club (daytime when younger, night time when older) and being with my dad. Everyone at school thought it was fucking cool, and I made him out to be a right Don. However as I got older my feelings started to change. My Mum gave me the cold facts when I was about 17 I guess (about what I said earlier) and for a while I really hated him. I hated he left her, left me, I hated that I saw him for a few hours every few years yet still had to call him my Dad. I hated that I was one of the only people I knew without a Dad, and that my family at this time was basically just my Mum, me and my Gran in Shoreham. So that hate spread to not just him but my situation. It wasn't a great time really, I went travelling which helped me forget stuff and then went to Uni where I basically got drunk continuously. As I got a bit older though I guess I matured, I forgave, I began to understand a bit more, I started not to care - like genuinely, no anger, no sadness, just nothing, just a shrug and 'whatever'. He'd have a habit of saying he'd be over in like 2-3 months and he'd be around for weeks so we'd go to see his Brother in London together and have a weekend to ourselves, doing father/son things, he made it sound so cool. Then obviously 2-3 months passed and nothing, then eventually it would be about 8 months later, he'd be over for a week, and he could only see me for a couple of hours as he had stuff to do. As a youngish kid you can imagine that wasn't the best feeling. Also some people think he gave my Mum alot of money over the years for everything of mine he missed (never saw him on a single Birthday if I remember correctly), and for maintenance. He didn't, not once, he bought me plenty of gifts, but looking back I'd rather he'd just given her money instead of winning me over briefly for a computer game or w/e.
Nowadays I'm totally fine, it's all in the past, sometimes I get sad about stuff, I've always been quite an emotional person and the last year I've had a few things that add on top, it's tough but I'm still here. I last saw him 7-8 months ago for 2 pints of Guinness in a pub down here, then he had to scoot, it was the first time in 5 years. I was meant to see him last year when I went on one of my best mate's Stag do's, we did the West Coast/Vegas then NYC, but the week we were in NYC he was, guess where, ENGLAND! Couldn't believe it and sent him a drunken hateful email just unloading tonnes of shit (the dates'were exactly the same, I left early as I didn't like being in NYC when he wasn't there, felt empty, didn't even try to contact him when I got back). He's now blind, and a shadow of his former self, his health is going badly, he doesn't call his Mum much (used to every few weeks), and he rarely responds to emails (my main form of contact in the last few years with him), he has a vampire blood sucking wife who grew up a spoilt brat, sunk her teeth into my dad and has been bleeding him dry ever since. He's pretty much broke. He has another kid, she's 5 I think, I've met her once when she'd first been born, he looks like a man who's broken. But still we had probably our deepest chat ever, about life, both apologising for the previous year, him saying he wants to come back to the UK. I think to live his final years, though my little sister shouldn't be uprooted, but I REALLY think he needs to leave his wife, whilst pleasant to me, she's a terrible drunk (we're all drunks in my dad's side of the family, him, my gran) and hasn't had a job in years after being an exec for a big computer company firm which she quit when they got married. I hate her deep down.
I wanted to write this, and I appreciate it's probably a bit too 'emo' for some, and I don't like doing these kind of things, but as I said maybe someone else has been in the same boat and is confused/angry/hurt, so I wanted to say, don't be. We all do things for a reason, but sometimes it doesn't come to light until a long time afterwards. I hated my father at one point, but I look back now and he did what he thought was right at the time, he wasn't ready for children and thought he'd be a failure, the irony of course was he was a bigger failure for what he did, but he wasn't to know 27 years ago. People have asked me, would you prefer he stayed, I say I don't know, what if he did, then buggered off when I was 10 or something in a really messy situation? Would that have broken my heart more, than simply never knowing him? I know he's not a bad person, he made some bad decisions, we all do that, some just have bigger consequences than others, he was unlucky in the hand he was dealt, I hope that if I ever do have kids I'll make damn sure I'm not being my Father, they deserve better, and I think him doing what he did will give me that inspiration and drive, so it's a good thing in a way. Now I just need some kids... ladies, form a line?
Life is a bitch, but we all have our things, our problems and our history. Mine is no different to yours, I know people who've lost their Dad's, at least I still have mine and I appreciate that, some will never get to tell them they love theirs, or to have a drink with them, and for that I'm grateful. So that's why I say, try to do something today for your Father's if you can, borrow a fiver off mum or someone and go sit and have a beer, or whatever, and just appreciate the stuff now whilst you can :)
Sunday, 17 June 2012
Saturday, 9 June 2012
Oh England
So thought I would do a quick blog post on England, considering Euro 2012 has just begun, it just seemed the right thing to do!
International football is only really exciting every 2 years, at the Euro's and World Cup. I often spend quite a long time working myself up into an frenzied state, declaring ridiculous things such as I won't answer my phone during the whole tournament (Course I will, who actually doesn't?!) I look forward to seeing great players on the big stage, and count myself lucky to watch such great teams as Spain (Iniesta, you are a god), Germany and Holland. Then invariably my thoughts, and discussions with friends turns to England, and the smiles fade and we immediately get very pessimistic, criticize22 everything we can, and generally write the whole tournament off before it's even begun. Why does this happen? I'm pretty sure not every country does it, and it's not like our team's are awful, not as good as others fine, but you always need a little bit of luck with these things, and at some point, we'll get that.
I've been watching England at every opportunity I can, from meaningless friendlies (my fav easily being the 3-3 with Argentina, watched it in my local which were giving out free Hot Dogs!), to Quals (Macedonia are banter) to WC's/Euro's - my earliest memories really being Euro 96. At just about every tournament since we've been absolute heroes, fighting to the end and ultimately ending in heartbreak (WC 98 vs Arg, Euro 2004/WC 2006 vs Portugal). But I can witness these games and remain proud, as we ultimately lost to good sides. I've forgotten what my point was whilst trying to remember those games, I think the drink is slowly destroying my brain - bit worrying, but that's something for another time. What I mean to say is this tournament is no different, I'm both excited for the weeks of football, but also a quiet hope that we'll get out our group, and go out defiantly against Spain. Yet for this, I'm certain there will be moans, grumbles and generally people not being happy with this. What annoys me alot is people who 'support' another country. I mean full blooded English people, who are so disenchanted with the team that they actively support another country. I dont get it, I find it pretty childish tbh, and whilst it's their choice to make, surely you'd simply not care for England and just watch the games, not publicly announce your love for a completely different nation? Not many do, but a few, just seems a dickhead thing to do, trying to be a bit quirky but ultimately just strange. So how does England win them back over? (It shouldn't have to) I suppose by playing some exciting football, upsetting the odds and actually winning some big games and restoring some faith.
I think we have the ability to do this, all this Rio talk was silly, he didnt get pick, get over it. He wouldnt have started, I think Lescott had a better season than him anyway and deserves his place. As a sub Jagielka will perform admirably if needed - so what the hell is all the fuss about?! Big players often get dropped, Gascoigne in 98' springs to mind. Also we say stuff like why isnt Sturridge there, does he deserve to be? On merit alone? No. He was poor for half a season for Chelsea, after a bright start he faded massively and then was dropped for all the big games, he ultimately wasnt trusted, so why should he be for his country? Anyone who is not a club regular should NOT be an international IMO, though I'm a bit biased about the Ox as I think the experience will do him good and he's a great impact sub currently, but yeah I suppose equally he shouldn't be there. Adam Johnson is a bit of an idiot if he doesn't move this summer, he needs regular games and then he can get back in the squad, as he's a great player but at 24 he cant be described as young anymore and needs to be playing regularly. We look at alot of our injuries and the papers select the Injured XI, but I mean Huddlestone, really?! He's got like 2 caps or something and frankly I wouldn't have him in the squad as I don't think he's good enough. Rodwell has been plagued by injury's for years, he needs to prove his fitness, Gibbs is also injury prone, Wilshere fuck knows what's going on with him, Bent meh, Cahill wasn't too bad - Chelsea seems to have settled him and given him confidence because for Bolton at times last season he was AWFUL.
What do I think of England's chances? As said, I think we'll come 2nd in the group, with a loss, a win and a draw, then lose to Spain in the next round. As long as we play well and give it a good crack, I'll be happy. I didnt think we'd do much this tournament anyway, we're in a really odd situation with our 'Golden Generation' on their last legs, whilst not quite confident in the youngsters. Ashley Cole is world class, but he's like 34, Baines is decent but nowhere Cole's ability, who else? Gibbs is too injury prone still, he needs another solid season for us, then who? Terry is a cunt of the highest order, I've not hated a player as much as I have him for a while, but he's solid and I suppose he's never had pace so probably has a few years left. Hart is fine, Lescott/Cahill is alright for a bit with Smalling/Jones looking to develop and take it up a level to reach their expected potential. Johnson is a liability, and the sooner we find someone else, the better. Martin Kelly needs games, and shame about Kyle Walker as he looks the business when he's in the mood. Parker needs replacing for the next tournament as he's 32 I think. Jones could try being that DM, otherwise what about the Chelsea youngster, once more he desperately needs to get playing at Prem level to fulfill that potential. Lampard/Gerrard need to be phased out, and we've plenty of options with the Ox, Cleverly, Sturridge, Wilshere all ready to step up. Caroll is ok but needs a full season with some goals, whilst Welbeck will be about for a while yet and if he can add more goals to his game, the better.
Looking at that, I think there's hope for England, which is what I always say - but we are 6th in the World Rankings for a reason, we're not awful - the Germany defeat in 2010 was a blip, and we've learnt from it, I don't think that would happen again if we played them, we'd lose, sure, but we'd go out fighting and really take it to the wire. Then we'd get knocked out, and I can say whilst having a beer that at least we gave it a go, and there's always next time. I call this, The England Way.
International football is only really exciting every 2 years, at the Euro's and World Cup. I often spend quite a long time working myself up into an frenzied state, declaring ridiculous things such as I won't answer my phone during the whole tournament (Course I will, who actually doesn't?!) I look forward to seeing great players on the big stage, and count myself lucky to watch such great teams as Spain (Iniesta, you are a god), Germany and Holland. Then invariably my thoughts, and discussions with friends turns to England, and the smiles fade and we immediately get very pessimistic, criticize22 everything we can, and generally write the whole tournament off before it's even begun. Why does this happen? I'm pretty sure not every country does it, and it's not like our team's are awful, not as good as others fine, but you always need a little bit of luck with these things, and at some point, we'll get that.
I've been watching England at every opportunity I can, from meaningless friendlies (my fav easily being the 3-3 with Argentina, watched it in my local which were giving out free Hot Dogs!), to Quals (Macedonia are banter) to WC's/Euro's - my earliest memories really being Euro 96. At just about every tournament since we've been absolute heroes, fighting to the end and ultimately ending in heartbreak (WC 98 vs Arg, Euro 2004/WC 2006 vs Portugal). But I can witness these games and remain proud, as we ultimately lost to good sides. I've forgotten what my point was whilst trying to remember those games, I think the drink is slowly destroying my brain - bit worrying, but that's something for another time. What I mean to say is this tournament is no different, I'm both excited for the weeks of football, but also a quiet hope that we'll get out our group, and go out defiantly against Spain. Yet for this, I'm certain there will be moans, grumbles and generally people not being happy with this. What annoys me alot is people who 'support' another country. I mean full blooded English people, who are so disenchanted with the team that they actively support another country. I dont get it, I find it pretty childish tbh, and whilst it's their choice to make, surely you'd simply not care for England and just watch the games, not publicly announce your love for a completely different nation? Not many do, but a few, just seems a dickhead thing to do, trying to be a bit quirky but ultimately just strange. So how does England win them back over? (It shouldn't have to) I suppose by playing some exciting football, upsetting the odds and actually winning some big games and restoring some faith.
I think we have the ability to do this, all this Rio talk was silly, he didnt get pick, get over it. He wouldnt have started, I think Lescott had a better season than him anyway and deserves his place. As a sub Jagielka will perform admirably if needed - so what the hell is all the fuss about?! Big players often get dropped, Gascoigne in 98' springs to mind. Also we say stuff like why isnt Sturridge there, does he deserve to be? On merit alone? No. He was poor for half a season for Chelsea, after a bright start he faded massively and then was dropped for all the big games, he ultimately wasnt trusted, so why should he be for his country? Anyone who is not a club regular should NOT be an international IMO, though I'm a bit biased about the Ox as I think the experience will do him good and he's a great impact sub currently, but yeah I suppose equally he shouldn't be there. Adam Johnson is a bit of an idiot if he doesn't move this summer, he needs regular games and then he can get back in the squad, as he's a great player but at 24 he cant be described as young anymore and needs to be playing regularly. We look at alot of our injuries and the papers select the Injured XI, but I mean Huddlestone, really?! He's got like 2 caps or something and frankly I wouldn't have him in the squad as I don't think he's good enough. Rodwell has been plagued by injury's for years, he needs to prove his fitness, Gibbs is also injury prone, Wilshere fuck knows what's going on with him, Bent meh, Cahill wasn't too bad - Chelsea seems to have settled him and given him confidence because for Bolton at times last season he was AWFUL.
What do I think of England's chances? As said, I think we'll come 2nd in the group, with a loss, a win and a draw, then lose to Spain in the next round. As long as we play well and give it a good crack, I'll be happy. I didnt think we'd do much this tournament anyway, we're in a really odd situation with our 'Golden Generation' on their last legs, whilst not quite confident in the youngsters. Ashley Cole is world class, but he's like 34, Baines is decent but nowhere Cole's ability, who else? Gibbs is too injury prone still, he needs another solid season for us, then who? Terry is a cunt of the highest order, I've not hated a player as much as I have him for a while, but he's solid and I suppose he's never had pace so probably has a few years left. Hart is fine, Lescott/Cahill is alright for a bit with Smalling/Jones looking to develop and take it up a level to reach their expected potential. Johnson is a liability, and the sooner we find someone else, the better. Martin Kelly needs games, and shame about Kyle Walker as he looks the business when he's in the mood. Parker needs replacing for the next tournament as he's 32 I think. Jones could try being that DM, otherwise what about the Chelsea youngster, once more he desperately needs to get playing at Prem level to fulfill that potential. Lampard/Gerrard need to be phased out, and we've plenty of options with the Ox, Cleverly, Sturridge, Wilshere all ready to step up. Caroll is ok but needs a full season with some goals, whilst Welbeck will be about for a while yet and if he can add more goals to his game, the better.
Looking at that, I think there's hope for England, which is what I always say - but we are 6th in the World Rankings for a reason, we're not awful - the Germany defeat in 2010 was a blip, and we've learnt from it, I don't think that would happen again if we played them, we'd lose, sure, but we'd go out fighting and really take it to the wire. Then we'd get knocked out, and I can say whilst having a beer that at least we gave it a go, and there's always next time. I call this, The England Way.
Sunday, 3 June 2012
So.... Prometheus...
Bit of a different blog post today, less ranty and a bit more specific, so therefore probably a bit more boring! Oh well, these things happen.
So yesterday I saw the film that I'd been looking forward to most this year (more so than even Batman, which I guess is why I just said what I did...) some of you might be quite looking forward to it, some of you might not care less about it, each to their own!
I've been a huge fan of Ridley Scott for a long time (Sir Ridley to be precise), having seen Alien at a stupidly early age and been haunted by it since, such was the brilliance of the sci fi/horror classic. It was Scott's vision that then allowed James Cameron to go H.A.M in the equally famous sequel, Aliens. Scott also made one of the greatest sci fi films of all time with Blade Runner, which I absolutely love and am not looking forward to a one day inevitable Hollywood revamp! He also did Gladiator if you're still unconvinced of his credentials.
First thing about this film that alot of people are talking about is that it's an Alien prequel, I can clear this up without giving away any spoilers. It's not. It's set in the same universe, and when you come out you'll have a bit of a better idea about how Alien comes about, but that's it, it's not a prequel it's a totally separate film in a different genre (it's not really horror) asking different questions and having you think about stuff a bit more. It's got a great ensemble cast including the main woman in The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, and current Mr Hollywood, Michael Fassbender, who is excellent, along with Idris Elba who has a dodgy accent, and Charlize Theron as a bit of a bitch, and finally Guy Pierce who has a really odd role, I've no idea why he was cast (you'll understand what I mean when you see it).
The film itself is visually brilliant, it's great, with some fantastic scenes - and I'd wholly encourage you to see it in 3D. I think some of the mixed reviews really did come from people hoping for an Alien prequel, I really do, such was the hype about that particular plot element, and I can only say go into this not even thinking about the Alien films at all, and just enjoy what Prometheus offers in itself. Some of the questions asked are interesting and thoughtful, though there are a few minor points that the film doesn't fully address, leaving you to make your own assumptions, which can be both good and bad I suppose.
I can't really say too much about it without giving parts away such is the secrecy that surrounded this film pre-release (no leaked scripts or major spoilers came out), however it is a very good film and certainly worth your time to see at the cinema, maybe I'm influenced by being both an Alien and Ridley Scott fan, but I really do think this won't be forgotten and swept under the carpet by sci fi fans, and will be in the "top ____" lists for years to come. Plus I wouldn't be surprised to see Fassbender get some kind of award nominations, he's really excellent as David.
Now I've pretty much come to the end of what I wanted to write (which was GO SEE PROMETHEUS), I've realised I've not even made a major point, I've just rambled on randomly, for which I apologise, and now I shall shut up!
*****SPOILERS, only those who've seen it read below, and a couple of bits I didn't get*****
I've read, and agree, that if Scott does make a sequel to this (which I imagine will happen if it's a box office success, early indicators are that it is), then it will be even more further distanced from Alien, than linked to it. I liked what Scott did to appease the Alien clamour at the end, but that's all that was needed, the rest we can piece together to get to the beginning of Alien, so that Prometheus 2 can be something totally different, and I imagine set in a totally different world.
I also really liked how it basically explained how whilst it was a few generations in, how Alien's came about and what they were (i.e. a biological weapon), and that they only even came about due to unusual circumstances - and that whatever the hell that stuff in the vase's is, it adapts and changes, but ultimately is just a biological weapon, created to cleanse a planet so the Engineers can start again. It's a cool God like link, creating life, but if you don't like what you've done, wipe it out and start over. I'd quite like some explanation about how it's created and what it actually is in the sequel, which I'd hope would happen, but I understand the simplistic side of it, having a rubber to erase your pencil drawings.
A couple bits that weren't explained, so be interested to hear people's thoughts, is at the very start, I'm assuming that was earth before the Engineer's created human's - and that one who killed himself did so in order to go into the water and assumedly create bacteria and stuff, that slowly evolved into whatever, and then eventually human's came from this. I could be WELL off in that guess, I've no idea really!
Also why did David talk to Peter Weyland with that visor, when he was just in another room? Bit odd, unless he had a higher up power to answer to that was never explained?!
And finally, why did the Engineer attack them all? I'm assuming he woke up thinking that was still the plan? Since when he went to hypersleep the plan was to go to Earth and wipe out humankind again (though I think they said he'd been sleeping for 2k years, so that wasn't even too long ago!) Just seemed a strange reaction.
Anyway thanks for reading!
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