The Old Dating Game...

THE BORING EPILOGUE (skip this bit if you want the crux of the blog! It's more personal and includes at least 2 feelings!)

Ah, dating, dates, 'seeing' someone, all that stuff before you get the nitty gritty of actually becoming a couple, if you ever do of course. Some people love this, some people dislike it. I'm somewhere in the middle I guess.

The inspiration for this post is that whilst I've been single for a while now, but there was someone who I was pretty close with over the last half a year and spoke with alot, thought we were going to give things a go but she decided she didn't want to in the end. Normally that's fine, but I guess one of the downfalls of Twitter is that I had to see her flirting with other guys whilst telling everyone she was single and looking - which really started making me feel like shit, and something that happened last month sort of really made me realise she wasn't serious about me. Shame, I was incredibly fond of her, still am. Sob.

It's fine. Life goes on, I hope she doesn't get fucked over by this other guy. Being told to do one has  happened to us all I'm sure. I guess if it hasn't now is the time for you to point and laugh at me. Anyway, I'm not sure currently I can deal with seeing her get with someone else, as I'm one of those blokes who get's all a bit caught up in these things - so I have to try best to just move on and the best way by doing that is getting back into the 'dating game'!


THE MAIN BIT (all the personal rubbish shit has been said, read on for normality!)

However, times have changed - no longer can I just approach a woman in a bar and get her number to arrange a date another time. Not that I ever could do that before, I don't have the bottle/confidence/borderline arrogance, I'd need to get drunk before even beginning conversation with a complete stranger and by then I'll probably say something ridiculous as it's fair to say I'm not the best drunk.

Anyway, luckily for me I'm living in the age of THE INTERNETZ! Where actually meeting someone in person is fully discouraged and instead replaced by being an online persona where I can cower behind a computer screen whilst saying what I want to who I want and not really having to care. With this, comes something that is actually new to me, dating websites. I've never used them before, not because of the stigma linked to them, that never really bothered me, just for the principle of having to pay for essentially meeting someone. Least in person whilst it costs to buy drinks, I get drunk as well! So yeah I've decided to join one that a few people have recommended. I go into it with no real idea what to expect, but equally I'm not nervous nor should I be, as it's just a virtual reality of sorts. However I suppose the real nerves will come into play if no one is interested in me, and I'm just a massive failure, after all I'm horrifically un-photogenic and never know what the fuck to write to someone. In fact that's more than just nerves, that's massive self-pressure, if I can't do ok at this, what hope is there!

Speaking of writing, you also have to have those silly introduction bits, interests and what not. I can't write them for shit and aren't really in the mood for giving too much away. What I've noticed is most people agree and tend to just write a really generic middle of the road type thing. Almost every woman's that I've read so far has said something along the lines of "really like to go out, but equally love a night in on the sofa". Great, who the fuck doesn't. Not sure I needed you to say that as don't know who'd actually put "FUCKING HATE INTIMACY SO TRY NOT TO TOUCH ME, DON'T OWN SOFA, PREFER SITTING ON A BOX". Does it need to be said?
Then there's the whole put up a series of pics - going back to my unphotogenicness, it's just not good. I hate it. I only have about 2 pics of me (not including my Twitter one, but not sure that's a good look on a dating site!) so not much variety. Sod it.

Then as if all that isn't enough, I have to stipulate what I'm looking for! Well, I don't want to be 'funny' but I don't really care, I'm clearly single and looking, do I really need to be super picky as well!? Maybe they should just make a tickbox with options like 'fit', '6 pinter' etc? I make a few preferential choices, but really it's just guesswork, I don't have a fucking clue what I'm looking for, ex's and girls I've seen before have all been very different, for example, hair colour doesn't remotely bother me. I like blonde's, brunette's, black's, red, pink, whatever, I don't mind!

Then what the hell do you put in a message? Do you just say hi? That's pretty boring and can easily just be copy and pasted to 1 million (said in Austin Powers voice) girls. Do I write something that shows I've read their profile and maybe ask them a question about it? Or is this too invasive for a first message. WHAT DO I DO. I always do read the profile as I'm interested in them, but fuck knows. Some women will reply to different things. Though I've been told guys sending messages about wanting to sniff feet or simply sending a pic of their cock doesn't go down too well. I wonder, with the latter, if they even include a 'hi'? Or if it's simply just a cock, flopping about, and nothing else? How would a woman reply to that anyway? 'erm that's lovely, but you should see a doctor about that lump'? I've no clue.

So yeah, overall there seems a few obstacles for me to overcome, and alot of self pressure to actually try and get something from the experience. And all this happens before I even a) get a reply from someone and b) actually arrange to go out!! Then the real full on nerves kick in, fuck Dan, you're going on a fucking date! I hate the word date though, to me, it's always just drinks. No pressure, nice and relaxed, no expectations. Just a couple of drinks and take it from there. A meal is way too OTT for me on a first date, way too pressured and you're trapped there for ages - what if she eats like a fucking horse? What if she hates everything on the menu and just has water whilst I scoff 3 courses? WHAT IF SHE SAYS ITS NOT AS GOOD AS NANDOS. All reasons for me to die a little inside.
Cinema isn't great for a 1st 'date' either, it's dark, you don't speak for 2 hours - do you share the popcorn? Do I offer pick and mix but have to warn her sternly about picking up fudge (you know how heavy it is!). It's just another minefield I'd hope to avoid.
Drinks, drinks are safe, drinks are relaxed, everyone likes them and once tipsy everything becomes a little bit easier. It can range from 1 drink - half an hour, to endless drinks - closing time. It allows for lots of conversation, and if it's shit, just suggest shots, many many shots.

Well I've come to the end of another post of nonsense, so thanks for reading. My profile is done so I'm going to see how I get on - might even write about some results. But yeah, wish me luck I suppose, or that something hilarious happens and I end up married to a 50 year old box owning Nandos loving flirt!