Moving - Home and/or country, is stress. An update on my little change.

I wrote about the initial thoughts and feelings here

After not really given any update on my situation for a while, I've written an update. Lucky devils.

 I didn't do it mostly because nothing happened for ages whilst I had to wait for various things. But now I guess there’s a bit more happening – all good stuff, though I can’t help feeling a bit frustrated and sad, too.

So the good news is that my petition for a VISA was approved, which means I take that with me to the US Embassy and essentially it’s a sort of approval to give me a VISA, along with a TONNE of other documents and things, to get the sign off. They take my passport away and do what’s needed, and then I’m good to go. So that’s great, and a big relief, I wasn’t sure how it would all go – everyone said don’t worry etc, but you can never be 100% - I heard of a couple of people from work who got rejected! (Initially if I went to the Embassy directly, my chances of approval were 25%, doing the method I did went up to 90% - but delayed everything by 3-4 weeks)

I’ve also now moved out my flat, which I lived in for 9 years and really did love. That was a strange feeling – I know many of you are very au fait with moving, and are probably awesome at it. I somewhat underestimated what I needed to do, but with some fantastic support from friends and my Mum managed it ok in the end. Though bit of a weird feeling, I don’t live in Brighton anymore, odd.

I’m staying at Mum’s which is nice of her, but again, strange feeling. Haven’t got used to that yet, already the nagging has started, and I’m sure we’ll clash before long. When I used to live at home we’d have the worst arguments – really horrible ones – and I hope it doesn’t all start up again. I’m a bit more chilled now, so will try and avoid it when possible. I bet I get drunk, forget I've moved, and wonder up to my old place before remembering and suddenly realizing I'm miles away from where I'm now staying!

My next steps are then to take that petition I mentioned to the US Embassy where I’ve booked an appointment next week. However I have to wait for the hard copy to arrive, and I don’t know when that will be – so that next week may be optimistic. So much of this process is waiting for things, not really knowing when they will happen – and having to build your life around that! It’s the most frustrating thing. I don’t have flights because I don’t know when I’ll leave. I haven’t looked at apartments yet as no idea when I’ll be there. My work sponsored my VISA which was fantastic, but because they wouldn’t give me the full package I don’t have the ‘go between’ company we use who help with the transition and sort out dates and what you need to do well in advance, so I’ve done it all myself and honestly, I probably could have done things a bit better.

Now I don’t want people to think I’m not grateful, because I am. I’m fully aware how lucky I am to get this opportunity, and how exciting it is, and how it could well be life changing. But equally people process things differently, I handle a move to a new life differently than you might.

Everything just feels rushed and partially out of my control, which is very frustrating.

An example, which I know will sound silly, but still. I play football, and have done for about 4-5 years with the same group of lads. We’re a good bunch who get on well, and I’ve been the social sec for some of that time, which has been really fun. I’ve also taken over the arranging of it after my friend who started it, got injured.  Now given that my dates are fairly up in the air, I can’t say this for sure but I think that I’m playing for the last time this week, and I’ve not really said that it’s my last time, as I thought I might still be about for another, but I don’t know that for sure. I don’t expect anything from them, but it would be nice to say goodbye (as presumably some won’t make any drinks I have, since I haven’t even formally arranged any!). Little things like that

I don’t want to arrange ‘leaving drinks’ because I don’t know when I’m leaving. Have them next week and I’m still here for a month. Even though loads of people are asking. Work didn’t send out a communication that I’m moving so I’m still getting asked about my old job, and then lots of people don’t know I’m moving etc.

I’m trying to work out when I can see some of my friends who I don’t see so often anymore, for the last time. But like all the above, unsure of dates, so when to do it. Plus me going to the embassy, on top of all the other things going on, it’s just such a messy time. However I do want to say that friends have been amazing, so supportive and there for me at times of stress and whatnot, offering to help me move, allowing me to use storage space, letting me crash, and just general support. Mum has been great too, she got some of her attic boarded up so I can put my stuff there, that's why she got all my leftover food (don't laugh, she's LOVING that I have good BBQ sauce, and loads of oils and spices)

But, I do know, when it’s all done and the dust has settled, it’ll be amazing. Until then, I guess you’ll just have to bear with me. I currently estimate I'll leave around the 2nd August. No one I've spoken to agrees and thinks it'll be later. Sigh. 

Cheers

I'm off soon. Excited? Sort of, nervous? You bet

Just felt like writing a little something, so I have. Funny how that works eh! Though I have committed to writing a bit more when I move, to sort of ‘document the change’ as it were. Did I tell you I’m moving? Yeah, well, I am,

Except it’s a little further than I’d expect.

NYC. It still feels really weird to think about or say. Like I’ve been sort of thinking/wishing for this move for a good 18 months or more, and wondered how it could happen, but I never thought it actually would! It was just one of those sort of ideas you say but never do. I’m really good at them by the way!

But yeah, so it cropped up in a sort of very informal conversation at work a couple of months ago, and has slowly snowballed into what is happening now, which is getting into the final stages for approval for a work VISA.

I won’t go into all the details and bits and pieces, because mostly it’s boring, but also as it’s not finalized yet I don’t want to jinx it. But I’ve agreed to the  job and the contract  etc, so really it’s just down to me ensuring I tick the right boxes, and don’t accidentally say I’m moving in order to (And this is a real question) ‘train an army of child soldiers’. Tempting though!

Still not everyone knows, but most do, which is fine – however I’ve still not been given a date, mostly because you can’t say exactly how long the VISA will take to sort, which kind of means my whole life is in some weird status. I can’t say to perspective tenants in my flat when they can move in, as I’m unsure when I’m moving out. I can’t look for a place there, because I don’t know when I’m arriving. I can’t arrange leaving drinks, or a couple of fun things I had planned, because I don’t know if I’ll be here. Everyone asks am I excited, and it’s amazing, and I agree – but at this very moment in time, I’m not excited, I’m frustrated. I don’t like ambiguity, and this is pretty big, so I guess I just need to get on with things, I can do as much prep as possible I suppose.

But because of all this, until I get that date to work towards, or the approval of the go ahead to start the VISA application, I’m sort of ignoring everything else. And that’s a pretty big ‘everything else’, friends, family, people I really care about – I’m going to miss them hugely, and I’m moving on my own to god knows where on another continent, they won’t be in the same frame of mind of me either  due to time differences, and asleep at other times. However it’s something I want, and need to do, as I appreciate the opportunity is amazing. It’s just right now, I’m not excited really, and I’m not in the right frame of mind to appreciate it – but I will, I really will.

Anyway, that’ll do for now.

Cheers

Dan

'Dan ponders' - Literally nonsense on a page

Happy belated new year.

Least that’s now out the way. If this is the first thing of mine you’ve ever read, don’t be surprised as I’m an incredibly lazy writer/person. I’ve spent the last two years especially lacking in motivation of things to write about, or consider worth writing about. In fact the below will probably not be any different, I’m just forcing myself to jot something down.

However, I’ve decided this will be a series of my musings which have popped into my little head, perhaps a smattering of half made points that will collide and confuse during my literal mutterings (I don’t re-read what I’ve typed, this is it, one take, done).

Personally the last year or so has been, like most, fairly normal with some unique situations going on. People like to think that ‘X year will be MY year’ – but, it won’t. Sorry. Every year is everyone’s year, and we’re ornately designed to be somewhat selfish/self-absorbed – so this isn’t actually the case, it’s just a year where some good and some bad might happen, like any other. I appreciate for those on social media (Twitter, mostly looking at you for a change), this might sound a terrible thing to say, and make some gasp – WHAT! I AM NOT SELFISH! Being the outcry, sure, that’s cool – each to their own, man. I’m only calling it how, well how it is. Even the most selfless person may sometimes internally have selfish reasons for their actions.

It links to people believing themselves to be utterly unique, one in a million, no two the same. And that’s true…to an extent. Personality wise, you are unique. YOU reading this (all 1 of you), are unique, no one is the same as you. However as a human being, you’re not. You’re built mostly the same as most others. Sorry. And that’s where this wishy-washy point swirls into the aforementioned selfish piece, it’s how we’re designed from the principles of self-survival, we also have the principles of human nature. Twitter has now become the perfect conduit for this, but it’s taken me years to realize – with probably the last 12-18 months really being the ‘awaking’ to it I needed. It allows everyone to have a voice, a unique single voice, which comically within certain circles actually becomes a unique single MASS voice, echoed by people who want validation and require support. I’ve been guilty of it, for sure, but what I find the most amusing is perhaps those with the lack of self-awareness to even realise, and still feel like they are some independent strong willed individual, who just happens to be the same as countless others. Sometimes I think people are scared to truly be themselves, and that’s a real shame.

This isn’t a dig as such, it’s an observation. I’ve probably lost most of you reading this by now anyway with my confusing spiel, and that’s fine – I write for myself mostly anyway, but even I don’t always understand what appears on the page. I think my final thought on this particular strand of nonsense is tribalism is a real thing, and is particularly apparent on social media, with groups with similar interests forming a bond, which unhelpfully (and I think to some degree, unhealthily) leading to examples of sheep following, mutual unneeded or unwarranted ‘bigging up’, a need of validation from one another that leads into what at times looks to be disingenuous praise, which is really no help to anyone, and degrees of bullying. Just something worth considering – but that’s that about, well, that.

One thing I do like though, for a change, is how people can help one another, and it does appear genuine. It’s touching to see, albeit the various ways that can be achieved, all of which probably do more good than we realize. And also for those who manage to find happiness either within themselves or with another, whatever works – we don’t all get to experience that, or know how to, so it’s actually something that should be cherished and revered, and I think at times we perhaps aren’t aware enough of this, and even become a touch embarrassed when the world around us is such a shitshow. Embrace that, never know how long it’s going to last.

For me personally, I think I’ve had an ok year. Gone through the standard practise of some good times, some great times and some pretty rubbish ones, which is about par for the course. I’m considering writing something more specific to that now that I’ve jotted some words down – it will be for me, but you may take some interest in it.

Anyway that’ll do for now.

Cheers,
Dan