The Wedding, The Speech, The Booze...

So my friends big day finally came round. Yesterday he married his girlfriend, in what was a really nice day. And I was his ill chosen best man. I must say I performed my duties minimally and awfully.
However I did do my speech, which I've copied a few bits from below if you want to steal bits for future use and that got a few laughs thank goodness! Including a hand shake from the groom's dad, and trust me that is hard to get!

I managed to drop the ring in the middle of the ceremony as well (Great work Dan), and when they said does anyone have any reason these two blah blah blah - I got a huge nudge from the person next to me that I was surprised and laughed a bit too loudly!

The rest of the day (we did the speeches before food) was spent boozing. Basically from 2pm - 12am non stop drinking. I had 1 pint and the rest of the time was just Whiskey and Dark Rum (with ginger beer weirdly, which tasted amazing!)

Of course being that drunk did have some comedy moments which were, the whole wedding/reception etc was in this lovely manor in the country, and it's a hotel too - I somehow, no idea how, wondered along a corridor, and opened a door to end up in the Chef's bedroom!!!!! So strange, I just wondered in and sat on his floor. He was up watching tv and had like a studio flat. All I remember is telling him the Chicken was excellent. I think he was pretty surprised by my random entrance and kindly took me back to the party!

The fun didn't end there. Oh no. A few of us got a taxi back home, and after getting dropped off, I realised I'd left my keys in my jeans back at the venue (As I'd gotten changed into my suit there) and was still in the wedding suit. So I had to buzz my neighbour to let me into the communal hallway bit, where after trying to push my door open (Why even bother) decided to sleep on the stair case for about 4 hours. Fully dressed. In a wedding tux.
I then stood outside for a while, before remembering my window was a bit dodgy, and forced it open, and climbed through it!! If anyone saw that they would have been so confused to see a very smartly dressed man basically breaking into a flat.

Good times. I've just been told one bar bill was rather expensive - probably down to me!

Ladies and gentlemen, I hope you are all enjoying what has been a brilliant wedding celebration!

I'm glad that you're all here to share in this monumental celebration.

 I want to start out by acknowledging all the lovely bridesmaids. They did a wonderful job today and I think you'll agree that they all look absolutely stunning!

Unfortunately every silver lining has a cloud, so here I am.

I’d also like to say that Bex looks one in a million today ...as opposed to Steve who looks like he was won in a raffle.

A bit about me, my name ‘Dan what-would-you-like-to-drink’.

I hope many of you will come and say hello at the bar later - but I do insist you use my full name.

 And it is my pleasure to be Best Man for Steve today.

I have never been a best man before, and I am not renowned for my speech writing, But I’ll try my best, '''cause Steve said if I do a good job today, I can be Best Man at his next wedding, too.

So Bex and Steve you’ve finally got married, for better or for worse, which is quite appropriate as Steve couldn’t have done any better and Bex couldn’t have done any worse.

Somebody once said marriage is a 50/50 partnership – But anybody who believes that knows nothing about women or fractions.

Steve my only piece of advice is to never forget those 3 magical words…’you’re right dear’

So then Ladies and Gentlemen, It gives me immense pleasure, not to mention relief, to invite you all to stand one more time and raise your glasses, in a toast to Bex and Steve. The new Mr & Mrs Bean. We wish them well for the future and hope they enjoy a long and happy marriage.

Well that got me slightly stressed!

As some or none of you might have seen me Tweet, I'm the best man at a friends wedding. Wonderful stuff, though it all feels a bit odd - but nevermind, that's a story for another time. So obviously being best man immediately means I'm going to have to make a speech at the wedding, and more importantly, plan the stag do.

Easy you'd think, as essentially you're just arranging a piss up. You'd think eh. I understand now why those stag companies exist that plan it all for you - specially if you're a largish group. I decided to do it myself.
I got the list to 14 of us - and the first thing the stag tells me, he's got no money. No one wants to spend much. Great.
There goes the plans I had (Manchester/Liverpool for a weekend was an idea), whilst abroad was also an option. No, none of that. Only choice is to keep it local. Already I feel it's not going to be great, it's basically just a lavish night out.

Anyway, enough of all that - I'd done the arranging and looked about for what to do, we went to a pretty cool Go Karting place in Lancing, after meeting in one of the worst pubs I've ever set foot in, and that was apparently the nicest one in Lancing! Wonderful. I hired a Limo, but the bloke broke the gear box that afternoon so gave us the 'Party Bus' instead - which was actually pretty awesome! I booked a table at Lola's, one of the nicer clubs here (we're not 'clubby' people really). But the whole day I found incredibly stressful really, always thinking should I be doing more, do I lead the charge, what extra's can I sort out etc. I hated it, and in truth I don't think I did a great job. I think I did ok, for what it's worth, but basically we didn't start drinking properly until 8.30pm - which is shocking, but was impossible before due to the annoying Go Karting times.
For the 'Party Bus' I got a tonne of extra booze, Jager's, Sambucca, Vodka - there was Champagne and Beers too. In the club I sorted out a couple of bottles too - and we got extra drinks etc. But I wanted to make sure everyone had fun, and we got to places on time, and this and that. I hate it. I don't really want to do it again - and probably won't have to in fairness!

This sounds such a downer doesn't it - but there were some funny moments, it wasn't the worst stag do ever I assure you - we all got hammered, and home at 4am ish, so that's a plus.
Less of a plus was a random being sick down my back and the bouncer trying to throw ME out for it!! As I pointed out whilst being topless in a club, how the hell would I have managed to do that - he concurred before laughing at me (I had a T shirt on under which I wore after getting it washed, sprayed by the man and then hand dried so it was ok, I shall burn the jumper though!
 I stitched the stag up with a couple of funny outfits and he'll probably always have bad memories when the song 'Tainted Love' plays again. Good.

Overall I would say when planning a Stag Do, do it away from where you live, just for the experience of not having a standard 'night out' - is my suggestion, you feel a bit free-er so to speak. And whilst it's stressy and whatnot, as long as the stag is quite chilled, it's always a good laugh  - I hope everyone had fun! Fuck knows why I wrote this, think I just fancied getting my thoughts on paper so to speak! (and yes, I've left out a few things that won't be mentioned in any kind of public place!)

Arsenal: Bayern Preview...well not really

Where the fuck do I start?

I originally was looking to write some kind of piece on the Bayern vs Arsenal 2nd leg of the Champions League. However I really don't want to, I'm not in the most optimistic of moods really, and Fabianski is due to start his 1st game of the season. We're so fucked.

Being honest, we're a club that always feels sorry for ourselves. I think we do it more than any other Premiership team. We're so weird. We have a manager who truly believes we should be challenging for the Premier League - yet I don't think a single other soul, including the players believe this. It was obvious from the outset we would struggle even for the Champions League, and so here we are, and unsurprisingly that's exactly the case.

The thing is, finishing 5th in the Premier League is not a bad postion at all, in fairness. It's not mid table nothingness, it's not some kind Blackburn/Newcastle esque plummet - our finances are very secure, we've got a great stadium, a very decent squad (more on that later), and a solid fanbase. It's just the feeling that we BELONG in the top 3-4 every season, which has almost boiled down to an arrogance that are market movements haven't really reflected.

I'd like to look at something I read today - an article from the excellent F365, looking at the Arsenal team that started vs AC Milan last season in a sort of preview to tonights game (Source: http://www.football365.com/f365-says/8560903/F365-Focus)



Where Are They Now? Arsenal 3-0 AC Milan, March 6, 2012
GK: Wojciech Szczesny
Although Szczesny's performances this season have provided some encouragement that he can develop into a convincing keeper, his form has been far too erratic, with recent mistakes against Blackburn and Aston Villa raising questions over his future. Is he good enough to be number one for a side challenging for third-fifth in the Premier League? Probably. Is he capable of forming a key part of a title-challenging back five? Definitely not.

RB: Bacary Sagna
"Everyone was expecting Robin van Persie to leave, but Alex Song, that was a surprise. I don't understand that at all. It is a big loss for the club. When you see two of the best players from last season leave, you ask a lot of questions. I understand why the supporters are nervous. I am the only starting player left from 2007. In May, I watched City's parade on TV. I saw Samir (Nasri) and Gaël (Clichy) lift the trophy. I want that."
After questioning Arsenal's transfer business in the summer, Sagna's own form has plummeted this season with the right-back's pathetic display in the 2-1 defeat to Chelsea revealing just how far he's fallen. Sagna has previously proved his quality for the Gunners, so his current slide must be owing to a lack of motivation and genuine belief that the team can achieve the goals set by Wenger. He's expected to hang around for another season, but only because no-one wants to sign him following his performances this year.

CB: Laurent Koscielny
There are times when Koscielny is Arsenal's best centre-back, but on other occasions he can resemble a Sunday League footballer, unable to read the game and capable of horrendous errors to gift goals to the opposition. His manhandling of Edin Dzeko in Manchester City's 2-0 victory at the Emirates is just one example of his individual errors and at 27 he should have learnt to cut out the costly brainfades. What is the reason for his lack of progress?

CB: Thomas Vermaelen
Despite being appointed captain following Van Persie's exit in the summer, this has been Vermaelen's worst season for Arsenal since his arrival in 2009. He led the Gunners to embarrassing cup defeats against Bradford and Blackburn and presented Van Persie with a gilt-edged chance to score the opening goal in United's 2-1 victory at Old Trafford. It's hard to imagine how Wenger believes Arsenal can challenge for the title when the club's current captain and leading centre-back is barely doing enough to command a regular starting spot.

LB: Kieran Gibbs
A promising talent who is sadly still injury prone. Even playing with one leg, Gibbs would offer more defensive cover than Andre Santos - who is currently being paid to spend time on loan at Gremio - but both Arsenal's left-backs from last season have now been usurped by Nacho Monreal. At the princely sum of £10million, the Spain international is expected to cement himself as the first-choice option for the foreseeable future.

CM: Tomas Rosicky
A key player when fit, with the only problem being that he's never fit. Aaron Ramsey has proved himself to be a considerable downgrade on Rosicky after replacing the 32-year-old in the first team this season, but there are few other options available to Wenger following his refusal to buy a new Alex Song. After just eight appearances in the current campaign it seems Rosicky's time at the Emirates is coming to an end, with his seven years at the club coinciding with the Gunners' frustrating decline.

CM: Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain
Oxlade-Chamberlain excelled in a central-midfield role against AC Milan, and he suggested in the summer that it could become his regular position.
"I remember on the day I actually signed the manager asked me where I see myself. My dad was in the room and my dad said, 'He's a centre mid, he's a midfielder'. The boss sort of laughed and said, 'I think he could be as well'," said Oxlade-Chamberlain in August.
"He said maybe to start off with he'll be out wide and that part of the game will come. Last season I did play the majority on the wing when I did play and had a few games in centre mid. But the boss has been pushing more this season to try my hand in a more central position."
For some reason Oxlade-Chamberlain hasn't been used once in central midfield this season and, even though Jack Wilshere's return has perhaps blocked his path, there have been occasions when it would have made sense to test youngster alongside Mikel Arteta rather than sticking with the unconvincing Aaron Ramsey. If Wenger had been 'pushing' for the 19-year-old to move into the middle, why hasn't he played him there?

CM: Alex Song
Despite Sagna's confusion, Arsenal received a fair price for Song. The problem with his sale is Wenger's stubborn refusal to find a replacement. While Song's departure has caused Arteta to drop into a deeper role, where he has often appeared isolated, the loss of Song has also required the team's attacking structure to be changed.
The Song-Van Persie axis was responsible for much of the Gunners' creative play last year, with the Cameroonian providing 11 assists in the Premier League as he often roamed from defensive midfield. Santi Cazorla was signed to replace this part of Song's game and has settled reasonably well with 11 goals and six assists despite his inconsistent form. But changing the shape and personnel in midfield has certainly played a part in Arsenal's struggles, with the team often looking vulnerable to the counter-attacking style that was previously the hallmark of their own approach.

RF: Theo Walcott
Walcott is currently enjoying an excellent season with 18 goals and 12 assists in all competitions. I've asked before in Winners and Losers whether the winger has finally developed to the level required to replay for Arsenal or whether Arsenal have slipped to the level of Walcott and this debate seems to define the club's current standing.
After making Walcott their highest-paid player with a £100,000-a-week contract, the Gunners will expect the forward to regularly prove the difference in matches. But Walcott still has a tendency to disappear when it really matters - such as in the first leg against Bayern and the recent north London derby defeat to Spurs. When Wilshere is fit, it's clear that he is still the most influential player in the team, with Walcott playing a supporting role.
Now Walcott leads the club's pay structure, Arsenal may have opened themselves up to bigger demands from players in the future. It was certainly wise to keep the England international, but his current status as top dog points to the decline Wenger has largely refused to recognise.

LF: Gervinho
Still infuriatingly inconsistent/consistently infuriating. Gervinho is a good example of Wenger's recent poor business in the transfer market, with the forward failing to show any sort of progress since his arrival in 2011. The manager has already proffered a bizarre excuse as to why he didn't pursue Michu in the summer and it seems that he is no longer able to find the bargains that previously formed the backbone of the Gunners' title-winning teams. At around £8million (the price Wenger confirmed after being pushed by journalists) Gervinho didn't come cheap, but it wouldn't be a surprise to see him join the legion of loanees who are being paid by the club to play all over the world.
Lukas Podolski has replaced Gervinho in the first team this season after joining from relegated Bundesliga club Koln, and the Germany international has impressed sporadically with eight goals and nine assists in 25 Premier League appearances. Signing a player of Podolski's ilk outlined Wenger's intention to build for the short-term last summer, but the 27-year-old doesn't possess the quality, consistency or potential to bridge the gap at the top of the table. Indeed, Spurs' bargain price for 22-year-old Lewis Holtby represented better business.

CF: Robin van Persie
There was little Arsenal could do to keep Van Persie and the forward has proved his value at United on the way to his first Premier League trophy. Although Olivier Giroud has shown glimpses of talent in his first year at the Emirates, he is clearly a significant downgrade on the Dutchman and Wenger should have done more to ensure the France international wasn't the only real option for a centre-forward role this season.
Van Persie and Song were replaced by Cazorla, Podolski and Giroud in the summer, and between them the trio have offered around the same contribution in goals and assists thus far. But more efficiency was required to ensure that finishing fourth wouldn't be a problem. Giroud has scored in only six Premier League matches, Podolski in eight - with Arsenal scoring five goals or more in four of those fixtures. Whether Giroud, Podolski and Cazorla can consistently prove the difference in tight matches against the Gunners' top-four rivals is yet to be seen.

Subs
Lukasz Fabianski
Set to make his first appearance of the season against Bayern, which says a great deal about the direction Arsenal are currently heading in.

Johan Djourou
On loan at Hannover, presumably never to return.

Carl Jenkinson
One of the few real improvers at the club. Jenkinson kicked on at the start of the season in Sagna's absence and can expect to be involved more next season.

Ignasi Miquel
His three appearances this season have all ended in victory. Perhaps he should play every week.

Oðuzhan Özyakup
Joined Besiktas in the summer.

Park Chu-Young (for Walcott, 84')
One Premier League appearance for Arsenal last season, two goals in 17 matches for Celta Vigo this. Why was he signed?

Marouane Chamakh (for Oxlade-Chamberlain, 75')
Another cheap gamble that failed to come off. What happened to Wenger's eye for talent?



And do you know what. It's absolutely spot on. Can anyone argue with it? And it's a real worry.


You look through that list,
Park Chu-Young - I've done some research and he was purchased for £8-10million. THAT IS FUCKING INSANE. He's played about 2 games and been sent out on loan. I don't even remotely understand what part of that transfer made sense. Why isn't this mentioned more?! I don't think people were aware of his price, but we give United banter for buying Bebe at £7million, but was that any worse than this?!

Chamakh - the less said the better - he is ok but simply does not have the quality for a Champions League chasing team.

Arshavin, Bendtner, Denilson, Andre Santon, Djourou, Chu-Young, Frimpong - All on loan because their wages are too high to sell, so I've read. It's a joke. What AWFUL transfer business.

Add Squillaci, Gervinho, and to an extent Ramsey, that's 10 outfield players who are simply not upto the standard of playing for a Champions League team. I'm sorry but they are not - the question is why is Wenger so fucking stubborn about getting rid of them, is it he cannot take being proven wrong with bad signings? Look at United, Chelsea & City - if the player isn't upto it they are shipped out or replacements brought in asap who are far superior, we don't seem to do that until it's all a bit too late.

Surely you would think to simply offload these players, plus perhaps Fabianski too, and bring in 2-3 really quality players we would look so much a better outfit. It's crazy what a Central Defender, Defensive Midfielder and Striker could do to the team.


But perhaps the problem is far more deep rooted? Wenger doesn't like to think he's wrong, and has an annoying tendancy to defend his players to the death when sometimes a bit of critism would go a long way! It's natural, if your players are not performing on a regular basis I think they need to hear it. At Arseanal for too long players have been able to glide along worry free, happy picking up their wages knowing they don't have to face any critism. It's a bad thing to have, fine perhaps when you're always winning, but certainly not in the position we find outselves in.

I am a massive advocate of Wenger, I think he's a great man, highly intelligent and a winner with a winning mentality, but perhaps it's an idea to consider a more Sporting Director type role for him with a younger manager coming in?
Equally maybe Arsenal should be looking at ex players part of the winning era could be brought in as coaches, and generally a bit of an uplifting feel to the place. Why did we not bring in Vieira? Regardless of the capacity he performs at City, you don't think he would generally lift the Emirates and remind the players of a captain who didn't settle for 2nd best. Same goes for Bergkamp who is at Ajax, could we not look to bring him over if he was open to a move? Overmars also?
The one I can only assume we have looked into is when Henry finally retires, I personally feel that we simply cannot not have him at the club, he's an icon and surely the one player that the current crop of players grew up watching, he would provide such a buzz, GET HIM AT ALL COSTS!
Let him do what he wants at the club whilst he gets his coaching badges (apologies if he's got them, I don't actually know) - then bring him into the staff asap.

It's the little things. Wenger should look in the transfer market at targets who have a strong willed, winning mentality. It seems silly but would add something to the dressing room which at times seems so incredibly frail and ready to shatter. Imagine a Vieira or Henry in the dressing room this season and what a lift they would give the team - we need more players able to do that. Apart from Wilshere and perhaps Tommy V, I can't really see anyone in the dressing room standing up and bringing the team together with positive aggression, and showing a leading example on the pitch.

I think my rant is over and my point made - and we say it every season, but perhaps it's best we don't get Champions League football for the 16th season in a row. Let that sink in, coupled with the fact our arch rivals Spurs finish above us. Think of the hurt pride - the want to change that - coupled with an aggressive move in the transfer market and maybe the offloading of some of our awful players and you may finally see a different Arsenal side from what has been seen the last year or two.
Maybe.

People say when you drop out of the CL positions it's very difficult to get back in. I don't really agree, Spurs have proved it's not the case - with a few astute signings (and an in form Bale) it can be done. Why could we not do the same? Perhaps it's a better option than paying huge wages to very average players who we stupidly thought might add value to the team (Giroud had 1 good season in France, before last season he was pretty awful, even in the French 2nd division, so it shouldn't be a surprise he's not been great for us) - perhaps we need to get Graham Carr to scout for us as we've not made an inspirational signing in quite some time!


Anyway, enough about this. Arsenal, when we lose tonight, let's try to do it with some dignity at least.

Cheers