The Wedding, The Speech, The Booze...

So my friends big day finally came round. Yesterday he married his girlfriend, in what was a really nice day. And I was his ill chosen best man. I must say I performed my duties minimally and awfully.
However I did do my speech, which I've copied a few bits from below if you want to steal bits for future use and that got a few laughs thank goodness! Including a hand shake from the groom's dad, and trust me that is hard to get!

I managed to drop the ring in the middle of the ceremony as well (Great work Dan), and when they said does anyone have any reason these two blah blah blah - I got a huge nudge from the person next to me that I was surprised and laughed a bit too loudly!

The rest of the day (we did the speeches before food) was spent boozing. Basically from 2pm - 12am non stop drinking. I had 1 pint and the rest of the time was just Whiskey and Dark Rum (with ginger beer weirdly, which tasted amazing!)

Of course being that drunk did have some comedy moments which were, the whole wedding/reception etc was in this lovely manor in the country, and it's a hotel too - I somehow, no idea how, wondered along a corridor, and opened a door to end up in the Chef's bedroom!!!!! So strange, I just wondered in and sat on his floor. He was up watching tv and had like a studio flat. All I remember is telling him the Chicken was excellent. I think he was pretty surprised by my random entrance and kindly took me back to the party!

The fun didn't end there. Oh no. A few of us got a taxi back home, and after getting dropped off, I realised I'd left my keys in my jeans back at the venue (As I'd gotten changed into my suit there) and was still in the wedding suit. So I had to buzz my neighbour to let me into the communal hallway bit, where after trying to push my door open (Why even bother) decided to sleep on the stair case for about 4 hours. Fully dressed. In a wedding tux.
I then stood outside for a while, before remembering my window was a bit dodgy, and forced it open, and climbed through it!! If anyone saw that they would have been so confused to see a very smartly dressed man basically breaking into a flat.

Good times. I've just been told one bar bill was rather expensive - probably down to me!

Ladies and gentlemen, I hope you are all enjoying what has been a brilliant wedding celebration!

I'm glad that you're all here to share in this monumental celebration.

 I want to start out by acknowledging all the lovely bridesmaids. They did a wonderful job today and I think you'll agree that they all look absolutely stunning!

Unfortunately every silver lining has a cloud, so here I am.

I’d also like to say that Bex looks one in a million today ...as opposed to Steve who looks like he was won in a raffle.

A bit about me, my name ‘Dan what-would-you-like-to-drink’.

I hope many of you will come and say hello at the bar later - but I do insist you use my full name.

 And it is my pleasure to be Best Man for Steve today.

I have never been a best man before, and I am not renowned for my speech writing, But I’ll try my best, '''cause Steve said if I do a good job today, I can be Best Man at his next wedding, too.

So Bex and Steve you’ve finally got married, for better or for worse, which is quite appropriate as Steve couldn’t have done any better and Bex couldn’t have done any worse.

Somebody once said marriage is a 50/50 partnership – But anybody who believes that knows nothing about women or fractions.

Steve my only piece of advice is to never forget those 3 magical words…’you’re right dear’

So then Ladies and Gentlemen, It gives me immense pleasure, not to mention relief, to invite you all to stand one more time and raise your glasses, in a toast to Bex and Steve. The new Mr & Mrs Bean. We wish them well for the future and hope they enjoy a long and happy marriage.

Well that got me slightly stressed!

As some or none of you might have seen me Tweet, I'm the best man at a friends wedding. Wonderful stuff, though it all feels a bit odd - but nevermind, that's a story for another time. So obviously being best man immediately means I'm going to have to make a speech at the wedding, and more importantly, plan the stag do.

Easy you'd think, as essentially you're just arranging a piss up. You'd think eh. I understand now why those stag companies exist that plan it all for you - specially if you're a largish group. I decided to do it myself.
I got the list to 14 of us - and the first thing the stag tells me, he's got no money. No one wants to spend much. Great.
There goes the plans I had (Manchester/Liverpool for a weekend was an idea), whilst abroad was also an option. No, none of that. Only choice is to keep it local. Already I feel it's not going to be great, it's basically just a lavish night out.

Anyway, enough of all that - I'd done the arranging and looked about for what to do, we went to a pretty cool Go Karting place in Lancing, after meeting in one of the worst pubs I've ever set foot in, and that was apparently the nicest one in Lancing! Wonderful. I hired a Limo, but the bloke broke the gear box that afternoon so gave us the 'Party Bus' instead - which was actually pretty awesome! I booked a table at Lola's, one of the nicer clubs here (we're not 'clubby' people really). But the whole day I found incredibly stressful really, always thinking should I be doing more, do I lead the charge, what extra's can I sort out etc. I hated it, and in truth I don't think I did a great job. I think I did ok, for what it's worth, but basically we didn't start drinking properly until 8.30pm - which is shocking, but was impossible before due to the annoying Go Karting times.
For the 'Party Bus' I got a tonne of extra booze, Jager's, Sambucca, Vodka - there was Champagne and Beers too. In the club I sorted out a couple of bottles too - and we got extra drinks etc. But I wanted to make sure everyone had fun, and we got to places on time, and this and that. I hate it. I don't really want to do it again - and probably won't have to in fairness!

This sounds such a downer doesn't it - but there were some funny moments, it wasn't the worst stag do ever I assure you - we all got hammered, and home at 4am ish, so that's a plus.
Less of a plus was a random being sick down my back and the bouncer trying to throw ME out for it!! As I pointed out whilst being topless in a club, how the hell would I have managed to do that - he concurred before laughing at me (I had a T shirt on under which I wore after getting it washed, sprayed by the man and then hand dried so it was ok, I shall burn the jumper though!
 I stitched the stag up with a couple of funny outfits and he'll probably always have bad memories when the song 'Tainted Love' plays again. Good.

Overall I would say when planning a Stag Do, do it away from where you live, just for the experience of not having a standard 'night out' - is my suggestion, you feel a bit free-er so to speak. And whilst it's stressy and whatnot, as long as the stag is quite chilled, it's always a good laugh  - I hope everyone had fun! Fuck knows why I wrote this, think I just fancied getting my thoughts on paper so to speak! (and yes, I've left out a few things that won't be mentioned in any kind of public place!)